Her calm manner belied her childlike capacity for fun
Last Monday the Monday Group met for the first time since the passing of Yoshida Fernando two weeks ago. We met to celebrate her life and mourn the passing of this unique individual, who had been a part of this group from its inception, nearly 20 years ago. We refer to ourselves informally as the ‘Monday Group’ because we meet on Mondays, just as we have done almost every Monday, since we came together as a group of trained counsellors, committed to such values as personal growth and social justice. This group of about 12 could not be more diverse, because of the differences in our personalities, ages, ethnicity and religious convictions. Despite these differences however, we gelled as a group, sharing stories, comforting each other as we coped with our own personal crises and traumas, crying and laughing together in an environment in which we felt secure and accepted.
Yoshida was an intrinsic part of this group and her passing has left us stunned and bereft. It was two years ago that she first became ill and six months since she had a relapse. When she spoke of her illness to us, it was in her characteristic manner. She waited until the Monday meeting was almost over, allowing the noise and chatter to wash over her, as she sat in stillness and near silence.It was only then that she began to speak, calmly spelling out the details of her illness and the treatment she was to undergo. The collected manner in which she delivered, what turned out to be a body-blow to the group, belied the gravity of her condition and fooled us into believing that she would beat the odds and be with us for many more years. The courage she displayed in the way she faced her illness, was something we all knew she possessed in large measure. For we had seen this slender, soft- voiced individual speak her truth clearly, fearlessly and unambiguously, when the occasion demanded it. At such moments, it was not she, but we, who were still and silent, letting the truth underlying her words seep into our consciousness, in a slow osmotic process.
Calmness and stillness had always been a part of Yoshida’s demeanour. Yoshida sel- dom spoke, but when she did, we listened. There was an economy of words in whatever she said; but these words were deeply felt and considered, spoken in a measured manner and tone of voice. Coupled with her slow and measured accent was a mind that was quick to grasp, not merely surface truths but whatever lay unspoken behind our words, for she would respond with a lift of an eyebrow or a smile that signalled to the speaker that she understood. And sometimes, later and in private, she would give a hug, a kiss and a stroke of the back to signal her understanding and fellow feeling. In private conversations, she would always listen with empathy, infusing her comments with humour when appropriate, or insights that would challenge the speaker to look deeper and further.
Yoshida’s calm manner was, however, not a mere façade. Instead it proceeded from her religious convictions, a reliance on the good- ness of the God she believed in, with unswerving and unwavering faith. Yet, despite the fact that her faith defined and shaped her thinking and actions, within our multi religious group, this was never expressed in an overt or offensive manner. Instead she displayed sensitivity to the different beliefs of her friends, willingly opening herself to learn of and from other religions and faiths.
Yoshida was, however, not a boring saint. She was a multi-faceted personality whose company we enjoyed. When we went on trips together, a different side of Yoshida’s personality emerged, one that surprised us at first, until we became more accustomed to it. A child-like mischievous quality would emerge as soon as we set foot in the bus that would take us to our destination. She would sing the usual holiday songs, drumming quite spectacularly on the nearest object she could find that would make a noise and generally clown around. On one occasion, when our trip out of Colombo coincided with her birthday, she almost danced around on her toes in her excitement at the surprise party we had organised for her.
Yoshida remains in our consciousness as a vivid presence. There is a textured quality to our memories of her: the solid worth of her common sense offset by flashes of humour and child-like enjoyment of the good things of life; her long-sighted and thrifty management of finances alongside the thoughtful and generous gifts she would bestow spontaneously on a friend; the unruffled way in which she handled the multiple calls on her time and resources balanced by her ability to give her undivided attention to a friend. In the years to come, we shall hold fast to these memories of Yoshida. ‘She opens her mouth with wisdom And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue”- Proverbs 31:26. Shriyani de Mel, Norma de Silva,
Sister Canice Fernando, Sonia Fernando, Lilani Jayatilaka, Devika Karunaratne, Devika Lintotawela,
Sameera Macan Macar, Ranjini Manuelpillai, Ranee Rajasingham and
Chitra Simithraaratchy