Exam hero or Lankan Nero?

My Dear Bandula, I thought I must write to you because I heard that you were planning to scrap the Grade Five Scholarship Examination and that this was causing a lot of heartburn among parents throughout the country-and most of them were blaming you for this hullabaloo.

Knowing you, Bandula, I am of course not surprised. I know that you believe as a politician, any publicity is good publicity so I’m sure you are not unhappy at this turn of events. After all, what is worse than being talked about-even disparagingly-is not being talked about at all and that will never happen to you!

Even now, you can lay claim to being the minister who presided over the most number of memorable events. So you need not worry, your place in our country’s history is assured even if you don’t go ahead and scrap the Grade Five Scholarship Examination.

Why, we still remember the days when you were Minister of Trade. That was when you were trying to explain to us why the price of a gas cylinder was rising when world prices were falling-and though your favourite subject was economics, no one really understood what you were talking about even then.

And that reminds me, Bandula, you were quite a famous and talked about person even before you took to politics. Few people now realise that you were a film producer many years ago and also a popular tuition master conducting mass scale Advanced Level tuition classes before you entered the world of politics.

I’m sure you quickly realised that there wasn’t that much of a difference between movies and politics and that both are industries in which you try to take people into a world of makebelieve. In the end, they think that they feel better-and you make a few bucks out of their contributions!

But it is as the man in charge of education that you will be best remembered over the years, Bandula. I think your achievements in this role are unprecedented and in comparison, even the great C.W.W. Kannangara pales into insignificance.

Why, who can forget how examination papers for the Ordinary Level and Advanced Level examinations were leaked-and how tuition masters provided the questions in advance in some of these examinations. I know that had nothing to do with you being a tuition master, but I am sure you are proud of these events.

Then, who can forget your proposal to have schools open till late in the afternoon because you felt that teachers should work as much as other public servants? That proposal was shot down by Mahinda I am sure all teachers will remember you with much love and affection for your suggestion, Bandula.

Then there was that famous controversy about the ‘Z’ score over which you presided. That was when you were trying to tell us that even though thousands of students were almost deprived of entrance to universities because of problems in the ‘Z’ score calculations, you should not be held responsible for that.

That matter finally went before the courts which held against you and cartoonists in newspapers had a field day lampooning you but it is remarkable that you were able to hold your job and still keep a straight face too. Your argument was that if the professors got their calculations wrong, that was their problem!

But to get back to the present, Bandula, I think that your idea of scrapping the grade five scholarship exam is a really great idea. I know this exam was greatly appreciated over the past forty years or so, but surely in this and age, we should be able to change with the times?

I know that this exam has helped hundreds of thousands of students from anywhere in the country to enter some of the most sought after schools and some of them have gone on to achieve great success in their lives. But surely, that is not a good enough reason to hang on to a forty year old exam, is it?

After all, as far as we can see, the most successful people today are politicians who have all the power, wealth and influence they need. And that is the only job in this country for which no exam or qualification is needed-so why bother with exams at all?

I know you are an educated and qualified man, Bandula, but do you think someone like Mervyn could get a satisfactory score at the Grade Five Scholarship Exam? But if he can become as successful as he is today without passing the scholarship examination, why do we need to spend millions to hold this exam?

So, Bandula, hats off to you for taking this bold and courageous step to scrap the scholarship exam. I hope you will survive this controversy as you did with the ‘Z’ score issue-because without you, who will provide us with the education-and entertainment-that we, the long-suffering masses deserve? Yours truly, Punchi Putha PS-I just heard that Mahinda ordered not to scrap the Grade Five Scholarship Examination. Well, I suppose that explains why he is the boss and why you are just a minister but anyway, I guess you will now simply grin and bear it-while the cartoonists start working overtime again!