Giving thanks for the example of his life

Ten years since his death, and just over one hundred years after his birth would be a good time to reflect on the life of any man. By the time such a date comes around many of those near to him would have pondered upon the impact of his life upon their own lives. So it is with my father.

In the weeks after my father’s death, there appeared testimonies from a variety of people, in newspaper columns in Sri Lanka. They were written by a cross-section of individuals. Most of them had lost contact with my father for many years. Their lives and my father’s life had intersected at some point in the past. This had left a mark, and upon hearing of his demise, they put pen to paper to express what the interaction had meant to them.

I have dipped into these personal remembrances. It is enlightening to see the impact of the life of a loved one, from the perspective of those who knew him in a completely different context to your own. Many of us normally do not have much of an idea of a parent’s working life, or know what subordinates thought of them.

Nihal Perera, author and writer, eldest son of a friend of my father, in his tribute, mentioned a range of positive qualities he’d observed. In addition to intellectual discussions and literary contributions, which contributed to his own progress, he expressed gratitude for the steadying influence that my father’s friendship had on his own. He went so far as to say that the fortuitous meeting of our parents on board ship from Europe in 1956, was a “point of departure in the history of our family, a singular occurrence of good hope”! He’d seen a childlike nature and Peter Pan-like twinkle in my father’s eyes, but also knew that he was a tough and informed administrator who managed a large business enterprise that operated successfully throughout the country. He summed him up as a “total man”, and a man “emancipated of all the shadowy divisions that the pettiness of man has created”. This last quality was attributed to his following a course in Buddhist philosophy, while living a committed Christian life.

Kishali Pinto-Jayawardena, well-known journalist and lawyer recalled his encouragement in her formative years as a journalist. She admired his writings, which took an unflinching stand on the essential role of a free press in a true democracy.

J.N.V. Perera, writing his appreciation “of that wonderful human being”, entitled “Earle Abayasekara, A man of singular honour and integrity”, describes him as mentor and guide during the years 19621973, at Lake House. He says he was a strict disciplinarian but a gentle man beneath; a man of few words, totally fair in his decisions; administered the whole company of almost 2000 employees, introduced rules and guidelines by which everyone worked. He expresses gratitude that he came “under the guidance and tutelage of this gentleman par excellence”.

Upali Salgado, another subordinate at Lake House, of a slightly earlier period, wrote of him as “the able captain who steered a large ship that braved rough seas”. He writes of his abilities as administrator and their life long involvement in the Boy Scouts, jointly editing the Golden Jubilee Scout Souvenir magazine in 1957. He describes the soft-spoken, perfectionist, honest God-fearing man, indefatigable

Aunty Rita, fondly known to many as “Sister Rita” was an amazing human being. I remember her during my childhood days as “Sister Luigi” when she had joined the Order of Sisters of Charity and was teaching in Sacred Heart Convent, Galle. I also remember later on going for her wedding to St. Mary’s Church, Dehiwela in 1971 when she got married to Uncle Marcus from Katukurunda, Kalutara.

Though childless, they were a devoted couple. They built their home and called it “Marcsri”. She used to give tuition classes to Ordinary level and Advanced level students in Kalutara. Our family used to visit them annually during Christmas time. Uncle Marcus died in 1982 and Aunty Rita was devastated.

Since she was lonely, she was inspired to daily visit patients who had no visitors or family members in the General Hospital Kalutara and take them home cooked food. She would feed helpless patients. One day, a man who was discharged from hospital and who had nowhere to go and no one to look after him sought her help. He was suffering from leprosy and had a large wound on his leg. One patient led to another and more destitutes started to come to her home.

I remember she informed us about this, and built a cadjan shed in her garden to house them. Later on abandoned worker, who tutored him personally, being one of six assistants in the period 1955-1967. His memos to the Board of Directors were comprehensive, and the “Board resolutions he submitted were precise, having academic brilliance, being an auditor’s feast to read & digest”.

He concluded – “a short epitaph to my teacher, gratefully remembered:

As an Administrator he shone with brilliance, His family life was beautiful memory; His absence is silent grief May Earle Abayasekara attain the bliss of Nibbana.”

Sylvia Weerasinghe, Christian writer and leader of Aglow International fame, wrote a heartfelt tribute. She recalls the many visits to the family home with her children, and describes one special encounter with gratitude, as it illustrated his kindness and concern.

“It was at a time I was going through financial difficulties, and then I wanted to get a Bank Loan, Earle stood as guarantor, facing a risk that if I was unable to pay back, he would have to do so. I was deeply touched when he walked into the bank and placed his signature on the form. Never did he or Anne ever ask me whether I could pay back the loan, or made me feel that I was obliged to them.”

At the time we gathered with our mother ten years ago in Colombo, to bid our final farewell to our father, we his seven children did not know of the tributes above, fermenting in the minds of the writers.

We knew of the well-lived life he’d led as a husband and father. His deep and abiding love for our mother and their wedded partnership of 59 years and 5 months, together with the love they both had bestowed on each of us, was a firm foundation. It enabled us to build our own lives, and gave us a sense of self worth and confidence of our place in the world. He’d given us the gift of his time in many ways; we’d seen his integrity and fortitude when life’s billows struck unexpectedly. We’d seen his loyalty, serving his first and only employer with dedication, from the age of 19, in various capacities, for 60 fulfilling years. He was not given to voluble preaching or prescribing solutions unasked, but if approached with a problem, would give thoughtful advice and wise counsel in a gentle way. He’d served voluntary organisations with a lifetime of dedicated application, holding high office in them. At every stage of his busy life, he was still interested in ours. He cared for the weak and poor in society, right up to his final days. He’d be happiest discussing ideas, not people. He showed us that true friendships last a lifetime. We’d witnessed his acceptance of physical limitations due to age, but seen him persevere to stretch his mental faculties to the full throughout his life. His and our mother’s attitudes showed us that Family is only a starting point, and enlarging its definition to encompass all others with compassion, is the way to a life of fulfilment.

These were our thoughts, as we watched the smoke rise to the heavens on the evening of his cremation. Our mother lived for nine years after his death until her own demise early this year. The void in her life and ache in her heart never eased, although she was active until the end.

Now ten years since his departure, we give thanks for the example of his life, the ripples of which reached, and continue to reach, many hearts and minds in Sri Lanka and in far away places. babies, handicapped children, elderly men and women came in numbers to her home. She had to expand her shed and a kind benefactor gave her money to put up a permanent structure to house these less fortunate people.

The main home situated in Katukurunda, Kalutara was begun in January 1983. Later on a group of Good Samaritans formed an association called “Friends of Marcsri” to extend financial support and assistance to Marcsri. One home led to another and currently there are over 10 homes which house the elders(both men and women), disabled children, differently abled young girls and boys and abandoned babies to name a few.

I used to call my aunt quite often and ask her “Aunty, how do you manage all these homes and feed over 700 inmates and workers daily?” Her answer used to be “I don’t worry Sampy Duwa about anything, I know that God will provide for us and will not let anyone go hungry”. That was the great faith she had in the Lord. Whenever we used to visit her home to give almsgivings, she used to

This is a tribute to the late M. Thirunavukarasu, a gentleman born and bred. He was a senior Attorney at Law, at one time a much honoured District Judge.

He was a true man of steel. Winning the fame of a multitude on what he was, what he did, and what he had said with an inborn wisdom, he was famous for his literary puns, his inspiring public addresses. A trail blazer, a star of hope of philosophy, he was deeply religious, a fluent and fiery speaker in many topics of art and literature. He enjoyed his professional work immensely and worked with great devotion and was much sought after especially among the less affluent.

In a eulogy at Tilak’s funeral on July 2, 2015, his eldest granddaughter Saskia said: “He was a man of great knowledge but never ceased to learn more. At the remarkable age of 84 he decided to go back to University and finally study what he had always been passionate about - History. For several years it gave him such joy. I will never forget how grandfather awoke at dawn every Saturday and Sunday to study at the University Library, for his examinations. His passion to learn was not only from books. He believed he could learn from another. It did not matter to him where you came from city-or village, what you did, if young or old, rich or poor. He treated everyone with dignified respect and whatever one had to say he listened carefully.”

Tilakaratne Wijesinghe, affectionately known as Tilak, to his friends, was born in the village of Halmillewa, Kurunegala District, on May 31, 1925. His father, late Menikarala Wijesinghe was a former Principal of Siddhartha Maha Vidyalaya, Halmillewa. His mother late Mrs. Sumanawathie Wijesinghe was a housewife. He was the oldest in a family of five sisters.

His primary education was at the Halmillewa Junior School. From age eight he was a student of St. John’s Girls’ School, Panadura. At the age of welcome us with a lovely smile and a big hug and take us around her homes to meet her inmates. She always loved to wear blue and my late ammi and I always bought her blue material for a dress and a blue and white saree each Christmas.

I will never forget the great favour she did for me when I was doing my MD in

He was humble and modest, sober and righteous as a lawyer. He convinced the public with his thundering sound, neither sacrificing truth nor justice. To watch him argue a case to get at the truth was refreshing. He resented the enjoyment of comforts that were denied to the masses. That was an instance of his humanity. Thiru was a visionary with a zeal and a mission that would astound even his severest critics, if he had any!

His addresses to Courts were 11, he was admitted to the Grade 5 class at Ananda College, where he was a hosteller till completion of his secondary education. He was a member of the Boxing team as well as the Cadet battalion, in addition to being a brilliant student during his entire school career at Ananda.

Tilak become a Samasamajist while still at school. The Lanka Samasamaja Party (LSSP) was the first political party that attempted to build an anti-imperialist mass movement on a national scale. The LSSP, as a policy was against the village headman as well as vel-vidane systems of local and agrarian administrations under colonial rule. When the British governor visited Ananda to inspect Air Raid Precautions, Tilak ran through the school corridors at night and threw LSSP leaflets against British imperialism and the governor, into the classrooms.

He joined the Technical College at Maradana in 1943, after successfully completing the Higher School Certificate (HSC) examination and followed a course in Civil Engineering. He Community Medicine. My research was based in the Kalutara district where I had to visit several primary care level hospitals and train the midwives and nurses in those institutions. It was in 1999, and I was in the last months of pregnancy. I had to travel to six hospitals in the Kalutara district to train the data collectors and research assistants and I asked Aunty whether I could stay overnight at her place. She was most happy and looked after me so well with tender loving care. I started data collection again for my research after my second son was over three months. Once again, I asked Aunty whether I could stay in Kalutara with my baby and she gave me the visitors room at the Princess Grace orphanage in Kalamulla, Kalutara. I stayed for over one week for the rest of my research. She came to see me daily and looked after us very well. I am greatly indebted to her.

Although frail looking, she had immense strength and courage to carry on her work and manage her large staff most whom were volunteers working in all the homes.In spite of all her health full of forceful puns and wit, poetic and literary. His deep and varied knowledge of literature and religion made him an enlightened speaker, much sought after by all at cultural and literary meetings. He was not one who cared for cheap popularity and instant wealth. The fondness for the Thirukkural and the Holy Bible marked him out as a man much above the political divide of caste, creed, region and religion. A time like this demands strong minds like obtained the Bachelor of Science (Engineering) Certificate from the University of London and was an Associate of the Institute of Engineers, Australia.

Tilak’s first appointment as an Engineer of the Public Works Department (PWD) was in 1947. His dedicated and devoted services were recognised by regular promotion within the Department, and he reached the level of General Manager, before retiring at the age of 55. The Ella – Wellawaya – Maskeliya and Kirillawala – Kadawatha Roads were initiated by him. He studied construction of bridges in 1967 on a scholarship awarded by the Government of Japan in 1967.

Tilak ended his career in the Public Service as General Manager of the State Development and Construction Corporation (SD&CC). After retirement, he worked as a consultant in Nigeria for 6 years.

He was a well known intellectual especially amongst the fraternity of professional engineers. Tilak was a founder number of CIMOG, the Citizens conditions (having undergone several surgeries) and having only one eye (she had a glass eye after having glaucoma) with the Grace of God, she was able to carry out her work with the less fortunate and the destitute with her tender loving care. Rev. Father Julian Tissera who was appointed as the Chaplain of Marcsri had been an immense strength to her with the administration and conducting mass. I remember when Aunty had several abandoned and unwanted babies brought to her, she looked after them, clothed and sent them to school. She had over a hundred such children and later in 1998, the Princess Grace Orphanage was built in Kalamulla to house these children. She never gave any baby for adoption. All of them are now adults doing responsible jobs and they were given in marriage by Aunty, and she had built houses for them in the vicinity.

She was very fond of children and during the last few years she took under her care several differently abled children who were brought to her by their parents a few days after birth. She Thiru, ‘the Kalaipulavar’ and ‘the Vikadakavi’.

Essentially a family man, he was blessed with a loving and devoted wife who herself was a retired teacher and two loving brilliant sons.

He will continue to inspire and educate many now and in the future through his mastery of law, his style and word power. It is indeed a calamity that the community had to lose such a noble servant.

But the good and the noble never die! They continue to smell sweet and blossom in the dust.

May he attain glory in the mansion of the Maker. Movement for Good Governance, the OPA, the Organisation of Professional Associations and the S.O.A Senior Old Anandians. He worked with great commitment to set up the SOA family of oldest living Anandians in 1991 together with the late Ranapala Bodinagoda and G.A.P. Dhanatunga. He was elected President of the SOA in 2005 and held office till 2007, demonstrating his love and gratitude to his alma mater.

Despite his busy professional life, he did not fail to swim every Sunday morning at the Otters Swimming Club (OSC) of which he was a member from the age of 17.

Tilak actively practised the Middle Path, the Noble Eight Fold Path and concentrated meditation at meals. In addition he wrote articles on topics such as mathematic solutions and Sri Lanka History in the print media.

He fulfilled his duties to his family with care and love for his wife Nalinee, daughter Manuka, author and playwright, son Tilan who was former Ananda cricket captain, Chairman of the Board of Investment and Forbes and Walker and youngest son Nishan who has settled in the USA. Tilak was an endearing grandfather to seven grandchildren.

May he attain the bliss of Nibbana looked after them in her main home and sent them to school. They are Dhoni, Chameera, Mario, Channa, Ranithri, Thirandi, Gabie and Sihan. Aunty used to sleep with them on the floor until she was diagnosed with cancer of the gall bladder in April. She never wanted to stay away from them even for one night. However, after her illness and after successful surgery, she developed lung complications. The pathology report indicated an advanced and aggressive form of a cancer. She fought the battle to the very end and never did she complain of any pain or discomfort. She finally had a peaceful death on May 26, 2015. The funeral was on the 28th amidst a large gathering of Bishops, priests, nuns, all her family members and the large family of Marcsri.

Family members, Marcsri family and Friends of Marcsri will ensure that her legacy and vision to look after all the inmates and the wellbeing of all the homes which were under her loving care will continue for generations to come. I know for sure that Aunty is with the Lord and Our Blessed Mother and is looking after and providing all the guidance and strength for all to carry out her work. She was indeed a living Saint. Aunty Rita, may you rest in peace

(Sampy) Duwa