The house is not a home now without you
It is now almost 10 months since you departed from our midst on that peaceful early morning of July 1, last year. You were alright that evening except for a mild stomach discomfort.
I am still thinking of the activities of the previous day. We got up together around 5.a.m. and you went to the kitchen and started preparing tea. I, as usual, opened the windows of the sitting room and put on the TV to listen to the chanting of Pirith. While I was listening to Pirith you came with the bed tea as usual. This is how we started the day.
We had planned heavy work for the day. Our home garden which is fairly large was overgrown with shrubs and weeds due to the rainy weather. Our former domestic aide, Weerasekara now a smalltime businessman and his hospitable wife Sriyani came with a few men to accomplish this task. Sriyani prepared the breakfast and lunch for all of us. You were having an interesting chat with Sriyani while she was working.
The garden work was over by about 4.30 p.m. and the men went back leaving Sriyani at our place.
While we were having a chat you suggested we consult our popular doctor Suresh Dissanayake. Dr. Suresh was not there and one of his assistants advised that the fluid in your stomach had to be extracted and could be done at the Negombo Nawaloka Hospital. We got an appointment to admit you at 8 a.m. the following day. Thereafter we returned home and had early dinner and went to bed early as everyone was somewhat tired.
I went into a deep slumber immediately and when I awoke around midnight I instinctively felt that you were impatiently waiting for me to wake. You asked me to chant “Pirith” which we usually had been doing before going to bed. I chanted all the three sutras, Maha Mangala, Ratana and Karaneeya mettha sutta by memory. No sooner I finished this recitation I fell asleep again. When I awoke again around 4 a.m. I noticed something unusual in your breathing. You were making a tic, tic noise with your breathing. I did not realize that you were breathing your last. I was calling our neighbour Amare to come with his van to take you to Nawaloka as I hesitated to drive my car at crucial times.
I should have invoked to influence and consolidate your “Cuticitta” on some kusalakarma which you had performed during your lifetime. The Pali word “Cuticitta” is the last consciousness of the dying person’s present life. This Cuticitta is the one that is directly associated with the rebirth. Cuticitta links the present life to subsequent birth by ‘Patisandhi vinnanaya’. Patisandhi vinnanaya is the rebirth consciousness. The cessation of consciousness and evolution of rebirth consciousness takes place almost instantaneously and simultaneously according to Abhidhamma.
“According to Buddhist doctrine , the sex of a person is determined at the moment of conception and is conditioned by Kamma and not by any accidental combination of sperms and ovum- cells. I strongly believe that by now you are already born as a male baby to some fortunate parents somewhere. Only a Buddha with his ultra - superior vision could declare where the dead person is born and as what.
My beloved wife, for a few years you have been telling me constantly that you wanted to pass away before me stating that you did not know what should be done in the event that I happened to die first. I never responded to this query. Unexpectedly you departed from us all of a sudden. Life is so miserable without your company. Having got married in 1965, we lived together for 53 long years. I can’t stop thinking about you especially when I am at home. The house is not a home now without you. But I know and I have heard that repentance is a useless exercise according to Buddhism.
My beloved Piyaseeli you have been a good daughter to your parents, good sister to your brothers and sisters, a good person to your relatives and neighbours and a very good wife to me. I hope you will be a good human being to all living beings in the universe.