She was my best friend, guide, helper and pillar of strength
From the time I was engaged to be married I can truthfully say that the first time I met my future sister-in-law, Lakshmini, it was love at first sight, - on my side at least. The fact that she was stunning to look at (tall with thick black hair falling to her shoulders, wide, lovely eyes, impeccably dressed) may have had something to do with my immediate admiration, but her genuine sweetness and gentleness captivated me instantly. I was soon to learn that all her friends, many of whom dated back to her childhood, felt likewise.
She became my best friend, a guide and a helper in many ways, a pillar of strength when I needed it and a lifelong mentor. My first example of this came within days of my marriage. Coming, as I did, from a vegetarian, teetotaller family, I was not well versed in catering to dinners of a more sophisticated nature.
Frantically I called my sister-in-law for aid.
She was packing to leave for England in a day or two where my father-in-lawhad just been appointed High Commissioner, but she spent the entire morning and a good part of the afternoon with me. The dinner was perfect and I have never forgotten her patience and understanding of the trials of a new wife in a completely different home setting to her own.
In addition to gourmet cookery, Lakshmini had been a student of Constance Spry, the world famous expert on flower decor, while she was in London. On her visits back to Sri Lanka, she taught me (or tried to) the difficult art of doing flower vases in my own home. She naturally saw to the flower decor at the High Commissioner’s dinners and functions. On one memorable occasion, Madam Vijayalakshmi Pandit (India’s High Commissioner to the
UK at the same time) walked up to one of her three foot flower arrangements and said, “This is the most beautiful arrangement I have ever seen. Who was your decorator?” It was a compliment Lakshmi always treasured.
Upon her return to Sri Lanka she began to use her designing and dressmaking skills (she had done the full Kathleen Dress Making Course) to good use. Several friends suggested that she start her own business but she said she had no head for finance and preferred to sell through already established concerns. Her dresses sold almost as soon as they were made and to this day I have kept one of her smartest creations made for my daughter’s 8th birthday.
Given her strong Buddhist background it was inevitable that Lakshmini would soon be drawn into Buddhist activity. Apart from attending the many sermons by priests and laymen held at the Mettarama Temple, she was heavily involved as Vice President of a family run orphanage in Lunawa. This took up a great deal of her time and she regarded this work as her contribution to the welfare of young Buddhist girls.
Born in Galle, Lakshmini was an old girl of Southlands and she kept in touch with her old Principals when she was in the UK. I recall the name of one of them-Miss Ridge. Those were the days when Principals had closer personal ties with their young charges and Lakshmini always remembered her with gratitude.
The gift of giving true friendship is rare. It is something my sister-in-law had in full measure. She seemed to have time for everyone. Growing up in an outstation meant that friendships were closer than they were in larger cities. She and her friends loved music and dancing and formed a club of youngsters which they titled the “Astaire Club” after Fred Astaire. With enthusiastic support these young people had a wonderful time and until she was well into the fourth decade of her life those friends remained friends.
Certainly her two children had a full time loving and caring mother. She sent her son and daughter to London for Accountancy studies and set them on successful life careers. But more than this, Lakshmini gave them the right values in life, a sense of integrity and a strong moral basis on which they have built their own lives.
She was a greatly admired cousin to many of her many younger relatives who counted it an honour to take her out to dinner or to be invited by her to her home. Her sense of fashion being strong, she was often consulted by relatives on the subject of suitable attire! I can truthfully say that she guided me in this line from the day I married her brother, ‘Bunchy’.
Before I end this tribute, (a totally inadequate one I feel) I would like to mention the names of those friends whose love and constant presence in her life gave her so much pleasure.
Many are from her Galle days.... Eileen, Estelle, Iranganie and from after including relatives....Manel, Ramani, Irene, Premala, Sriyakantha, Geetha, Ranji. (Surnames are not given but they should know that Lakshmini’s family greatly appreciated their constant visits and affection for her.)
From her children Lakshmini received the love she so well deserved right up to her passing. She always had a lovely home, the best medical care and their presence by her in her last illness. Her last few years were spent reading Buddhist texts and discussing (sometimes arguing) with Bunchy and me over lunch. She followed the Dhamma talks on TV by many Buddhist scholars and this brought her much peace of mind.
I end giving my grateful memory of a perfect sister-in-law. She was never judgmental and never spoke a word to me in annoyance or anger. How many can truthfully and sincerely say as much?