Selflessness was her life
Diana Captain was many things to many people. Everyone knew her. Everyone had a connection to her that was prized and special. Everyone I meet since her passing away has a personal story to tell in the way Diana touched their lives. To have the quality of an all- encompassing care and concern for family, friends and even for just acquaintances is a quality given to few. Diana had it.
To meet her was to feel good at once. She remembered you whether she had met you a week ago or a year ago. She was always warmly affectionate, always welcoming of your presence. Her vibrancy was inherent. It touched anyone she met and this quality I remember most of all.
I first knew Diana when my mother ( being an American herself) had a lot to do with the US Embassy at that time. She was on the Fulbright Scholarship Commission and was a great user of the USIS Library. Diana worked for over 45 years for the US Embassy becoming, perhaps, its longest serving employee ever, trusted and highly valued. In fact, in the early days, the library was almost synonymous with Diana’s name.
She would keep the latest books and ideas on Education for Warden de Saram ( of St. Thomas’) and for Mother. If I accompanied her, which I frequently did, Diana steered me towards the books suitable for my age. I always wondered if she memorised the entire Library. She seemed to know where everything was. The Library used to be in Fort and was easily accessible to parents and children. I have to thank her for guiding me towards a more mature reading than my rather laid back Mother would have liked!
I will always remember our first meeting. I gazed with awe at this tall, fair, statuesque beauty whose friendly manner made me feel so at home in the rather starchy atmosphere of the Library. While talking about her recently, Tara Cooray told me she had first seen Diana at the Library wearing a red chiffon sari and she could not take her eyes off her. I believed it. Her sheer buoyancy was magnetic. To use an overworked phrase -Diana was charismatic.
When I was ready for university, my mother did not send me to the United States as might have been expected. It was not the era of the rush to American colleges. Mother chose the University of Bombay ( now Mumbai) and Diana was most supportive of her choice. Half the Parsi population of India lived in Bombay and as did most of Diana’s relatives. Always generous, she now had a regular gift taker in me.
“Mrs Motwani”, she would tell Mother,” I wonder if Goolbai could take a few things for my cousin in Bombay. In fact, my cousin, Dr Roshan Captain will be her Professor of English at Sophia College.”
“Of course,” Mother would reply warmly. One always felt it a pleasure to do something for Diana. However, the word “few” did not mean the same thing to mother as it did to Diana! She brought a large suitcase to our house and handed it to mother with a beaming smile.
It was the days when TWA flew from Colombo to Bombay with hardly any passengers. There were no silly things like restricted baggage weight or even Customs. The Indian Government had imposed full austerity measures in India wh i l e C e y l o n imported everything. I carried Yardley’s Bond Perfume, Maiden Form Bras, Creams, lipsticks, even medicines et al to deprived Bombay- ites of Diana’s circle. India ( and Lakme) had not yet begun manufacturing luxuries.
“My cousin is going to be thrilled,” Diana told me. Dr. Roshan Captain was indeed. Diana had supplied her relatives with her usual generosity. Then came the end of term.
“See me after this lecture Goolbai, my dear,” Dr Captain would boom authoritatively handing me the same suitcase for returning to Diana. This time I was carrying back lovely Bombay saris, half of which were for Diana’s friends. I cannot resist saying that Muktha Wijesinha’s husband, Sam, used to call them the “Three Ds” or “DoDiDam” namely Dodo Cooray, Diana of course and Damayantha Hulugalle. I’m sure I was carrying gifts mostly for them.
It did not occur to either Diana, or to, me that my life would become closely bound to hers. When I married her younger brother, Sohli’s best friend, Bunchy Gunasekara, I became an instant member of her extended family. Bunchy and I would often visit the Captains in the evening to meet with Sohli where the whole family would be gathered on the Verandah of ‘ Rivington’ the family home, for an evening’s chat. More often than not, we would stay to dinner. This was greatly to Mr. Captain’s liking for he was on a strict diet imposed by doctors and enforced by Diana and her Mother. Our addition to the dinner table gave him an excuse to tell Diana to open those extra tins of peaches and cream.
“Now Daddy,” Diana would tell him warningly. “You know what Doctor Sproule has said.” “Pooh,” her genial father would reply, “I can eat as I like once in a way. And don’t you go doing your usual sneak on me.”
To her brother, Sohli, Diana was more than a sister.” She was a second mother to me,” he says with a catch in his voice. They were extremely close and her passing has left a huge chasm in his life. There was a wide age gap between brother and sister ( and an even greater one with Perin who was the family baby). It was natural for her to assume leadership. Diana would advise and guide him ( but never told tales to parents.) All their lives, Diana was able to perform this mentoring role for Sohli. His admirable achievements always had the advice of a wise older sister as indeed she was to
Bunchy and myself also.
Diana did not have enemy in the world. Why would she? She never bore a grudge and remembered only what was pleasant. She attended all my four Book Launches with her long- time partner and famous editor, Manik de Silva. Manik was responsible for starting my writing career and so Diana too was very supportive of it.
At the launch of my book “Chosen Ground” a biography of my Mother, she had a front row seat along with Manik, and told Sohli afterwards that it was the best and most enjoyable launch she had ever attended.
“You brought your Mother to life,” she told me knowing exactly what I wanted to hear. “I knew her so well after all.”
I could not attend Diana’s Memorial service. Lack of mobility prevented this but I was given a copy of the heartwarming eulogy made by Shavez Mendis, son of Sharmini Mendis, one of her many close, life- long friends. He related tales of Diana’s life saving generosity which went well beyond the bounds of normality. She gave more than material gifts. She gave of herself -- her TIME, her ATTENTION, her CARE and her LOVE. The gratitude and love of the Mendis family would be duplicated and replicated many, many times over in rich and poor homes. “You give but little when you give your possessions, It is when you give of yourself that you truly give,’ said Khalil Gibran. Diana epitomised the art of selfless giving made charmingly by one of the most gracious and generous women I have ever known.
The Tapestry of Diana’s life has been woven in the most brilliantly coloured threads. They glow and shimmer whether viewed up close or from afar. In seeking to find the words to describe Diana, I cannot find any within myself, which can do her justice. To describe this wonderful woman I shall borrow those of another writer who said, ‘Her life was filled with sunlight but tinted with enough shadow to make it a glorious sunset.” This life was surely Diana’s.
Goolbai Gunasekara