Fond memories from one of your ‘animals’
Our mum referred to her four children, Thomas, Frances, Robert and Marie, as her “animals”. She used it later to refer to sundry favourite nephews and nieces too. Her explanation for using this term of endearment was because our dad was a zoologist. His speciality was parasitology, and mum had no problem speaking out publicly about this. She once said that dad never wanted to emigrate from the country like most of our relatives did in the 1960’s, because his work was in Sri Lanka …. “all his endemic birds, the skinks, the parasites were here…. that was his first love”. She said this without any regrets at coming second in my father’s affections, because she knew, as we did, that Hilary Crusz was an unrepentant romantic and loved her fiercely and unreservedly from the day they met until his untimely death in 1989, aged 69 years.
Decima Genevieve Crusz (nee Rabot) was born on May 9, 1920 and went to her eternal reward 99 years later on November 15, 2019. She married Hilary Crusz in 1942 and spent the entirety of her married life being a faithful, loving and steadfast wife and mother. Unlike my dad, mum was rarely emotionally effusive, not much hugging and kissing. She kept her expressions quiet, often silent and sometimes even hidden. She showed her love through her actions of caring, genuine loving concern, and serving and doing her duties as a traditional Roman Catholic Christian wife and mother. The ever-present objects of everyday use by her bed, on top of the little cupboard, were her rosary kept on her well-worn little book of prayers filled with small prayer cards to various saints and memorial cards of relatives and friends who had passed. These she kept and used every day until she couldn’t do so anymore, some months before her passing.
Her commitment to serving and caring for her family and all around her, was exemplary. She resisted as much as possible, putting herself in the front or taking the lead. For her, being the homemaker was fulfilling enough. But she also had her Burgher spirit. Being of French (paternal Rabot) and Portugese (maternal De Costa) ancestry, mum loved parties, entertaining and musical evenings. She played the piano with the ‘Crusz family orchestra’, accompanying us children on our various instruments to perform for guests.
She would remember how in her adolescent days her father would take her with him on his party rounds to accompany him on the piano while he played the violin, with one of her brothers playing the accordion. Later in her life, anyone visiting our home unannounced would not be allowed to leave without having something to eat and drink. The Augusta Hill home of Hilary and Decima Crusz was well known on the campus of the University of Peradeniya, as somewhere a hungry student could go for a home cooked meal from Decima and a lively intellectual conversation with Hilary. It was a place for ‘lost souls’ to feel wanted, and a ‘safe haven’ for girls to meet their boyfriends. This spirit of open house and a warm and welcoming persona continued when mum lived out the rest of her life in our family home in Mount Lavinia.
Mum also displayed a side of her personality we could perhaps call ‘social activism’. In the 1960’s, during the tense period of the ‘schools takeover’, my mum and other mothers of the schoolboys, organised a rota system to stand guard over St. Peter’s College, in Colombo. They sat on chairs just inside the closed main gate to prevent government officials from “storming the barricades”. Being members of “The Legion of Mary”, we assume they wielded their “weapons” (the rosary) in their hands and recited it continuously.
Decima Crusz is also remembered as being the oldest living member (until her passing in 2019) of the Inner Wheel Club in Sri Lanka. My dad was a member (and also at one time President) of the Rotary Club of Kandy when the Inner Wheel Club of Kandy District 322 Sri Lanka, was formed by wives of Kandy Rotarians in October 1968 and sponsored by the Inner Wheel Club of Colombo. The Club received its Charter on February 14,1969 signed by Florence Pathinayake as Charter President and Decima Crusz as Secretary.
This little verse, taken from the internet (author unknown) fits the person we all knew and who we miss very much in our lives;
Gone from us that smiling face, The cheerful pleasant ways, The heart that won so many friends, In bygone happy days.
A life made beautiful by kindly deeds, A helping hand for others’ needs.
To a beautiful life, comes a happy end, She died as she lived, Everyone’s friend.