Sex is not an 'adults only' topic
Long gone are the days of accessing porn only at the local magazine and video stores. Today, internet and cable television services make pornographic content available to anyone.
In the cyber age, porn is easily accessible to adolescents online. In fact, most porn these days is accessed through the internet, according to a 2016 meta-analysis published in The Journal of Sex Research. Adolescents who viewed violent, graphic pornography were six times more likely to be sexually aggressive than those who were not exposed, according to a 2011 study cited by a 2012 review of research. Kids aren't only seeing porn at younger ages these days, but they are seeing more porn and more graphic porn than their parents did. Pornography, however, is no substitute for open and honest sex education. Such was the consensus among some psychologists and educators this week after brutally honest — and heartbreaking — comments from singer Billie Eilish about exposure to porn at a young age.
Eilish said she started watching porn around age 11. "It really destroyed my brain," she said, adding that graphically violent imagery gave her nightmares and sleep paralysis. "The first few times I had sex, I was not saying no to things that were not good; it was because I thought that's what I was supposed to be attracted to," said Eilish, who turned 20 on December 18.
Eilish went on to say she "didn't understand why it was a bad thing" and that she "thought that's how you learned how to have sex." When she told her mother her mom was horrified by the idea that her daughter was learning about sex this way.
Her comments about being "traumatised" were a painful reminder of how porn and other sexualised media can impact young adults in today's world.
Emily Rothman, chair of the department of occupational therapy at Boston University who is also a professor of pediatrics and medicine, said Eilish's comments serve as a wake-up call for parents and other trusted grown-ups to play a more active role in children's lives.
"Having a conversation with youth about what they have seen, when, where and how many times, can be really helpful to try to prevent future incidents and answer their questions," said Rothman.
"We need to do more to prevent youth from viewing sexually explicit media. And because no matter what we do, some of them will see it anyway, we also need to provide information and education to all youth about the fact that pornography is not an instruction manual on how to have sex."
Porn "is available all the time on the internet, and even if parents put up blockers, kids are finding ways to access it," said Michael Robb, senior director of research at Common Sense Media. "Whether they're seeking it out themselves or they're accessing it unintentionally through friends or older siblings, it's there."
As Rothman suggested, the real issue underlying most conversations about porn is education. Tweens and teens watch the material like Eilish did and think it's real life, laying the groundwork for distorted reality and associated problems down the road, according to David Ley, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Ley added that the real disconnect comes with what porn doesn't show.
"Healthy sexual interactions require negotiation and consent and honesty and self-control and respect," he said. "Most porn skips over all of this, and without the proper context, kids who are curious and watch it aren't going to understand how important all of these issues are to healthy sexual relationships."