Mind Treadmill & Wavering Desires

Very recently I asked my wife to refrain from cooking chicken often as I seem to not like chicken anymore. After saying so I was awe struck to realise how much I craved for a piece of chicken some time ago. It was a strange feeling to think of what I so badly craved for once has now completely lost my interest. This incident provoke a thought in me to write this article about the “Mind Treadmill & Wavering Desires”. As per my view most of the problems that people are facing today is simply due to insufficient self-management.

There was a time in the USA when the divorce rate was as high as 50%. It was indeed a massive number of couples who were once dying to be together, now saying that they do not want to be with each other any longer. Our mind is constantly running on a treadmill which in psychology is known as the hedonic treadmill. Just as our bodies, our minds also crave for food. Boredom is embedded in human nature. The brain labels something generic when it is done continuously over a period of time. Our mind seeks new experiences which might be dangerous if they are not handled consciously. The brain desires, obtains, uses, becomes generic and then desires for more. If we do not recognise this mind treadmill pattern, we will run about like mad dogs our entire lives and we will never be happy with the present circumstances.

There is no argument that accomplishing big dreams makes life beautiful for us as well as our loved ones. Yet, on the contrary, we need to master the secret contentment amidst the disastrous human nature of running fast on a hedonic treadmill. Once you achieve something then that sense of achievement and that pride of ownership makes you desire to crave for more achievements. This is the reason why self - management is very important in sustaining happiness. The first question you must ask yourself when you desire for more is, why do I desire for more? Is it to prove that I’m better than others or is it simply because I want to provide a better life for my loved ones? Most of the Sri Lankans are suffering due to the reason that leads to their desire. Their Prime desires for more because they want to showcase to the others that they are more successful than the others. It is indeed sad to see how most of our fellow countrymen define success.

The benchmark of your success should be based on your level of inner happiness, not based on your possessions. There are people who have everything and nothing at the same time. They acquire all the materialistic possessions but they do not possess happiness, the most important possession. An unhappy person is not a successful person as everything a human being does is for the craving of happiness.

A person is really happy even with his Maruti Alto until he sees his next door neighbor driving an Axio. This severely attacks his ego and arouses his emotions to prove that he is more successful than the one who drives the Axio. Hence, he buys a Premio at an unbearable cost with an unbearable loan which he nor his family can bear. Pride is the root cause of many poor decisions we make. Be alert about your wavering desires as many people are attached to their pride and ego. Comparison is a killer if it is not used only as a benchmark of improving thyself. We certainly need to look into case studies on success, so that we can learn from others, correct ourselves and develop ourselves. Yet, if you use comparison only to achieve a feel good factor, then that comparison will lead you to take unwise decisions merely to feed your ego.

We all must set our standard happiness and sadness levels. So that we can be aware of them consciously in order to bring you back to your original purpose in life whenever you feel that you are exceeding the standard happiness and sadness levels. No desire should deviate you from your original purpose in life which is to live a happy life. As one of the most successful people in the world, up until today, I do not wear gold as I have realised that it has the ability to tickle my ego buds. I do not intend to keep anything that feeds my ego and pride. Every human being has an ego. The need to be accepted, appreciated, recognised and valued as those are the rich sources of food that the mind prefers to have. Yet, we need to set standard happiness and sadness points so that we would never deviate. If you master managing happiness you would not go astray even if you win the biggest lottery in the world.

We do not attend all the weddings that we are invited to. Attending three weddings in a month is not a wise decision, especially during an economic crisis, especially considering the scale of the gift the invitees expect from us. Do not deviate from your original dreams and aspirations just by becoming emotional, trying to prove to the world that you are a success. When we are invited we have two options to choose from. The first one is to attend all three weddings and spend a lot of money on gifts and clothes at the expense of our other responsibilities. Many individuals sell their happiness to enjoy the temporary pleasures of acceptance, which is only an emotion with a very short life cycle.

Most of the time people accept you based on what you have for them and not for who you are. It is so sad to see people craving for the acceptance of others at the cost of their own happiness. You should be more attached to people who accept you for who you are and not for what you possess. People who would accept you for what you have will leave you the day you do not have anything. I have an immeasurable respect towards my beautiful wife who married me, when I did not even have a foot cycle. She was in need of a good heart and not a good car. What are you after in life? Acceptance from others or your inner happiness? Managing your pleasure life cycle, the hedonic treadmill is crucial. Specially, in managing happiness. If you fail to do so then you will live a miserable life where you will have only 5% of happy moments and 95% of sadness.

Are you appreciating your wife even after a marriage of twenty years? Has your wife become a generic woman that you do not see the inner and outer beauty that you so badly craved for before marriage? Has she become ordinary and generic in your happiness cycle? This applies vice versa. Make gratitude a component of your DNA. Our weaknesses could be transformed based on our decision and commitment to change them. Remove the weak DNA from your bloodline and infuse a strong DNA into your bloodline. Do not allow your children to serve more food whilst they still have food remaining on their plates.

Train them to value things until the end. Set standard pleasure and sadness points on them. Tell them that two pieces of fish are sufficient. Do not give them five pieces just because you can afford it. You are setting higher levels of pleasure points on their minds which is indeed dangerous. They will set their next journey based on their existing pleasure point. Even sadness should not increase its standard point of sadness. If not you will die or go mad the moment someone leaves you. Therefore, be wise and manage your mind treadmill effectively.

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