When players face music from fans
Towards the end of last weekend’s Premier League match at the Emirates, as Arsenal cruised to a 3-0 victory over Stoke, an announcement came over the stadium loudspeakers that that there would major delays of trains leaving London.
Within a minute Arsenal fans were rubbing it in by chanting at their opponents with some glee: “Threenil and you can’t get home.”
Watching matches on television you can hear frequent chants and songs from the crowds. Most are unintelligible on the TV, which is probably just as well as they are often rude, crude and in bad taste.
But there is occasionally an element of wit, like last week’s offering at the Emirates. Admittedly it wasn’t side-splitting, but at least showed some spontaneity, which never goes amiss.
Of course you get standard chants at most grounds for certain situations. If a team is winning comfortably their fans will probably come out with: “Can we play you every week?’’
There was much mirth a few years ago in the FA Cup when minnows Havant and Waterlooville were briefly 1-0 up against Liverpool and fans of the underdogs could not resist launching into their own rendition of the “can we play you” chant.
In the old days, in the lower divisions if the home team managed to string together more than half-adozen passes you would hear the ironic strains of “It’s just like watching Brazil”. However, after last year’s World Cup disaster, that chant has been less noticeable this season.
Ipswich fans must have a sense of humour. When they were thrashed 9-0 by Manchester United back in 1995, late in the match, in response to Man U fans chanting “We want 10” the Ipswich supporters responded with “We want one”. The following week Ipswich lost to Spurs 3-0. At the end of the match the relieved Ipswich fans sang to the tune of Blue Moon: “Three nil, we only lost three nil.”
Fans often start chants when they are bored. In a recent Championship match between seaside towns Brighton and Blackpool, as the game drifted towards a dull 0-0 stalemate, the Brighton fans entertained themselves by singing: “You’ve only got one pier.”
Opposition fans can be quick to pounce on any physical characteristics of individual players. Last season, when Liverpool visited Newcastle, Luis Suarez was greeted by the Toon Army with: “Your teeth are offside, your teeth are offside.”
During his days at Everton, Merseysider Franny Jeffers and his prominent ears had to put up with: “He’s big, he’s Scouse, he looks like Mickey Mouse.”
Andy Reid, not the slimmest of figures while playing for Sunderland a few years ago, often heard from the terraces: “Andy Reid, plays left wing, he loves McDonald’s and Burger King.”
When Peter Crouch played for Liverpool he was greeted by the Kop with: “He’s big, he’s red, his feet stick out the bed.”
One of the more famous chants bordering on bad taste was when Rangers goalie Andy Goram was diagnosed to be suffering from mild schizophrenia. Everywhere he played in Scotland he was greeted by: “Two Andy Gorams... there’s only two Andy Gorams.”
One of the first to suffer because of his appearance was former Forest striker Jason Lee, who in the mid1990s had a strange spiky haircut, which would be quite fashionable these days.
Everywhere he played he was greeted by, to the tune of He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands: “He’s got a pineapple on his head.”
There are some easy targets of course. When acting as caretaker-manager a gloomy-looking Alan Shearer was on the touchline as Newcastle headed for relegation in 2009. Liverpool fans were quick to remind him of his former role as a TV pundit with: “You should have stayed on the telly.”
Always a target for fans are strikers, especially if their shooting is a bit wayward. During his time at Fulham, Bobby Zamora was known for his inaccurate shots. This sparked one of football’s most lasting chants, to the tune of Dean Martin’s That’s Amore: “When you’re in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that’s Zamora.”
Games which feature minnows against the big clubs are also a source of entertaining chants. In the days when Cesc Fabregas was with Arsenal, the Gunners met Leyton Orient in the FA Cup , prompting Orient fans to sing: “You’ve got Fabregas, we’ve got pies and mash”.
Club directors and chairmen are not immune to chants either. There was an entertaining exchange at Chelsea a few years back when Norwich City were visiting. Celebrity TV chef Delia Smith is a major shareholder at Norwich and known to enjoy her wine.
Chelsea fans began chanting: “We’ve got Abramovich, you’ve got a drunken b----.”
Norwich supporters responded splendidly with “We’ve got a super cook, you’ve got a Russian crook.”
As boss of Manchester City, Thaksin Shinawatra came under fire when it looked like he was going to sack Sven-Goran Eriksson. City fans came up with the refrain from Another Brick In The Wall by Pink Floyd: “We don’t need no Phil Scolari, we don’t need no Mourinho. Hey! Thaksin! Leave our Sven alone.”
When Thaksin’s assets were frozen in Thailand, City fans used the Proclaimers song 500 Miles rather naughtily, chanting: “You can freeze 500 million, and you can freeze 500 more. ’Cos Thaksin’s got another billion underneath his bedroom floor.”
So this weekend, keep an ear open for those chants. Sometimes they are more entertaining than the football.