Wavering over offer to repair broken marriage
Dear Abby: I have been married for 25 years. My husband, “Frank”, and I have four children. Over the years our relationship became rocky — almost toxic. Frank is an alcoholic, verbally abusive and a manipulator. (I admit I’m no angel, either.)
Eight months ago, I had an affair with a former boyfriend I dated before I was married, and we got caught. Frank planted a tape recorder in my car, hacked my phone and read my texts on his phone. He threw me out of the house, my belongings placed in black garbage bags.
My boyfriend has divorced his wife, moved here and has made a life and a future for us. He has sacrificed a lot for me and I feel bad that I’m thinking about going back to Frank. I miss my home and family.
Frank begs me to return every day. He claims he has stopped drinking and changed his ways. He wants us to go to counselling and promises to be a better husband if I give him another chance.
I’m scared, but a little piece of me wants to see if it’s true. I have heard stories about how men can’t change, that it will be worse if I go home and I’ll be in a sort of jail and have no freedom.
In Pain In Illinois
Dear In Pain: If “a little piece” of you wants to reunite with your husband, then level with your lover. Your marriage may or may not be able to be repaired. However, if you’re willing to try, understand it will take hard work on the part of both you and Frank, and the help of a marriage counselor — if Frank can maintain his sobriety.
You say you are worried you will lose your freedom if you go back. It is important you recognise that trust takes a long time to be rebuilt, that the attempt at reconciliation is a gamble, and whether your marriage can survive the mess the two of you have made of it isn’t assured.
Toilet talking
Dear Abby: Is it OK for a man to talk on his mobilephone at the urinal in a public restroom, or for a woman to talk on the phone while using the toilet in one of the stalls?
Also, please remind everyone to wash their hands after using the restroom.
Russell In Washington
Dear Russell: I can think of few things more unpleasant than conversing with someone with the sound of “running water” (or worse) in the background and toilets flushing. Why anyone would do this is beyond me. It’s very rude.
And, while I can remind people about hand-washing until the cows come home, I’ll suggest instead that men and women who use public restrooms not touch the door handle without a paper towel — when available — firmly in hand.
Driveway kids
Dear Abby: I grew up in the 90s in a neighbourhood where the kids respected their neighbours. I now live in a different state and, obviously, a different era. Neighbourhood kids constantly use my steep driveway to ride their bicycles, tricycles and scooters without asking permission.
Am I right in thinking this is rude, because in my opinion, they are trespassing? Not only could I be held responsible if one of them gets hurt on my property, but they also are extremely loud and do this while my children are trying to nap. They have been asked to stop and I have threatened to talk to their parents, even though I don’t know where they live.
Frustrated Homeowner
Dear Frustrated: Discuss this with your insurance broker. You are correct that if one of the children gets hurt on your property you could be liable. You also need to be more proactive than you have been.
Tell the kids they are disturbing your children who are trying to nap, and if the kids don’t go away, find out where they live and talk to the other parents. It would be cheaper than having to install a gate in front of your driveway.