A close friendship is undermining my trust in my husband

Dear Annie: Please comment again about emotional affairs. My husband says this is a bunch of malarkey.

He has been hanging out quite a bit at a local establishment, which is owned by a woman who is rather flirtatious. She can get the men who come there to do little favours for her, and this includes my husband.

I also know that he has been confiding in her and telling her details about some problems in our personal life that I would like kept quiet in the community. I believe the conversations he is having with her are the ones he should be having with me.

Many times when he comes home after seeing her, he hardly speaks to me for hours because he is all “talked out”. He says that there is nothing going on and that he is true-blue for me.

But I am uncomfortable with the amount of time he spends there. I have asked him to stop going, and he has cut back from seeing her four times a day to just once. But it is still every day.

He reads your column daily, so maybe you can comment again about emotional cheating. In my eyes, it is as bad as sexual cheating.

Angie

Dear Angie: Your husband thinks that if there is no sex, there is nothing “going on”. But if he is turning to another woman to find emotional support and complain about his marriage, he is shortchanging you, his life partner, and could begin to care too much about her. We have said before that giving your emotions, your heart and your innermost thoughts to someone other than your spouse is a form of cheating. It creates a bond with a third party, allowing that person into your marriage.

But the fact that this woman is a flirt doesn’t mean she is interested in your husband, so try not to overreact. Instead, let your husband know that this close friendship is undermining your trust in him. He needs to keep those conversations less personal. If the two of you are having problems that need working out, please talk to a professional together.

Lonely virgin

Dear Annie: I am a 29-year-old woman with a medium build and long, thick black hair that’s never been cut. I am also a virgin.

My family members continue to ask me about a boyfriend and I tell them that I have never been with a man. They think something is wrong with me. I am a perfectly normal woman, and I dream of being married and having children one day, but until I am blessed with the right man, I will continue to wait. I know that one day, he will come, and there is no hurry.

I have met several guys over the years, but they are no good for me. All they think about is sex. I am not walking around with a “use me” sign on my forehead. I don’t know how often people meet through your column, but if it is possible in some way, I would like to meet “Mr Lonely in Pennsylvania”, who is also a virgin.

Also Lonely In Virginia

Dear Lonely: We don’t match up people through our column. Ever. It would be too dangerous. And we hope you aren’t assuming that all virginal people are alike. That is only one aspect of what you have in common.

The rest could be just as “no good” as the other men you have met. Please try to meet guys through your church or other social groups and through mutual friends and relatives. The more men you meet the likelier you are to find that someone special.

Do not ignore

Dear Annie: You recently published a letter from a woman who was complaining that her husband recently developed anxiety about travelling in a car. This onset of anxiety, particularly in midlife or later, could be a symptom of Parkinson’s disease.

If the anxiety is accompanied by terrible nightmares (including yelling, punching and kicking) and/or by constipation that seems to develop where it didn’t exist before, Parkinson’s could well be the reason.

I watched these symptoms develop and didn’t understand why — until the twitching started in one thumb. Then a neurologist confirmed that these symptoms were, indeed, indications that Parkinson’s was at work. Her husband should get to a neurologist now.

Wish We Knew

Dear Wish: Parkinson’s is a progressive and chronic neurological disease that interferes with the body chemicals that control movement and mood. It usually begins with mild symptoms that advance slowly, so they are often ignored. Symptoms include tremors or shaking in any part of the body when it’s at rest.