There is nothing wrong with being single, embrace it

Dear Abby: I have never had a long-term relationship. My friends and family kept calling me out for it. I tried online dating and setups by friends and family, but nothing worked out.

In fact, the constant questions only annoyed me more. With all my friends happily married and settled, I started resenting their intrusion into my life.

A couple of years ago, I decided to take a break from dating because I couldn’t handle the stress anymore.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed it. I never revealed this to my friends. After a few years of silence, my “well-wishers” began commenting again on my single status, and it annoys me to no end. I have started staying away from them.

Is there any way I can convince everyone that I am a normal straight male who just likes to be left alone?

I enjoy get-togethers, as long as the topic of my singlehood doesn’t become the joke of the day.

Pretty Cool Dude In Pennsylvania

Dear Pretty Cool Dude: Talk to some of your close friends and tell them you are happy being single. Tell them their comments about your single status and being made to feel like the “joke of the day” isn’t funny to you — it’s embarrassing. Tell them, just as you told me, that if it doesn’t stop, they will be seeing less of you. Friends will be sensitive to your feelings, although occasionally they still may try to fix you up because some people can’t resist the urge to matchmake.

P.S. Because all of your friends are married, try to form some new relationships with single people.

Sex manners

Dear Abby: When my boyfriend takes me out to dinner, he always expects sex afterward. I am OK with it because he’s a nice guy. But he never says “thank you” when we’re done.

Other than his manners, he’s great and I’m happy we’re together. Am I being petty and overly sensitive? My first husband never thanked me either or appreciated me, so I guess it’s a sore spot. How should I approach this without jeopardising everything else?

Hesitant To Speak Up

Dear Hesitant: Sex is not supposed to be “payment” because someone picks up a dinner check. If that’s what is happening with you and your boyfriend, it is being approached with the wrong attitude.

A person is not expected to thank a partner for having sex, unless the sex was unusually spectacular. Because you feel otherwise, tell your boyfriend what your needs are — and if he agrees to thank you, return the compliment by thanking him.

Unfaithful husband

Dear Abby: I recently started working at the hospital where my husband receives his primary care. One afternoon, out of curiosity, I accessed his medical records. In his file it was noted that he is high risk for STDs. In fact, he was treated for two different ones some years back.

I have been tested for STDs during all my annual physicals, and the results were always negative. I think it’s because we often go for weeks without any sexual contact.

What should I do with this information? How do I talk to him about it without letting him know that I’m aware of his medical history?

Concerned In Massachusetts

Dear Concerned: Unless you claim to be clairvoyant, I don’t see how you can discuss this without admitting you accessed his medical records, which is against the law. Be prepared for him to be irate, because the best defence is a strong offence. You are lucky your husband hasn’t given you an STD.

By all means talk with him about this, if only to find out whether you have sex so infrequently because he’s having relations with other people. Now that you know what has been going on, you have some serious thinking to do about staying in this marriage.