Mother’s alcoholism threat to her baby

Dear Abby: I’m six weeks pregnant. I have always wanted to start a family and raise children with my fiancé, but I have a big problem.

I am an alcoholic and have been struggling with this issue for a few years. I don’t know the effect this could have on my baby, but I know it isn’t good. My fiancé also drinks a lot, and our home situation isn’t the greatest for a child because of it.

What can I do that would be helpful in my circumstances? I don’t want to put my baby’s life at risk. I tried AA in the past, but was unsuccessful. I’m afraid I’m destroying my family before it is started.

Trainwreck In Virginia

Dear Trainwreck: You are right to be concerned. If you plan to have this baby, it’s important that you find a gynecologist and quit drinking immediately! If you can’t find the strength to do it for yourself, then do it for the sake of your little one.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: “There is no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy. Alcohol can cause problems for the developing baby throughout pregnancy, including before a woman knows she is pregnant.

“Drinking alcohol in the first three months of pregnancy can cause the baby to have abnormal facial features. Growth and central nervous system problems (eg, low birth weight, behavioural problems) can occur from drinking alcohol anytime during pregnancy. The baby’s brain is developing throughout pregnancy and can be affected by exposure to alcohol at any time.

Consider all things

Dear Abby: Six months ago I ran across an ad from a woman in prison who was looking for a pen pal. Having served time in the past, I know how it feels to be locked up and wanting contact with the outside world, be it friends, family, etc. I wrote her and she wrote back, and we exchanged pictures.

I am twice her age. I tried to get permission to visit her but was denied because I had served prior jail time. Our communication has been emails, letters and phone calls. I buy her things, and she is appreciative of everything I have done for her.

She says she wants to be with me when she gets out, which is not far off, and I’d love for it to happen, but I don’t know how my daughters will react because she’s their age. Right now it’s friendship, but I know it could quickly evolve into love. I have prayed about it. All the signs keep saying we are good for each other.

A Generation Older

Dear G.O.: If you can, find out from the warden what the woman is incarcerated for. (Could it have been for conning people? Armed robbery?) Close your wallet and see how your “pen” pal reacts, because you may not be her only benefactor.

After she has been released, there’s no guarantee your relationship will evolve into love. In fact, she could have a change of heart about committing to someone who’s old enough to be her father. Please stop and look both ways before proceeding further.

Challenges ahead

Dear Abby: I have been with “Kendra” for four years. We’re ready to take our relationship to the next level, but I’m starting to have second thoughts because of her mother. She’s not a nice woman, and she doesn’t have any friends. Her husband died a few years ago, which makes her lonely. Her only social life is Kendra.

She thinks of me as a threat to their relationship, and she’s trying everything in her power to break us up. She says negative things about me to Kendra and she’s rude to me. She says she will not give us her blessing if we decide to marry. Because we live 10 minutes from her and have no possibility of moving farther away, is it possible to have a healthy marriage with such a “cancer” in our lives?

Unsure In Pennsylvania

Dear Unsure: Much depends whether Kendra can recognise how unhealthy her relationship with her mother is and distance herself emotionally. While love can conquer almost everything, unless she can do that, marriage to Kendra could be like competing in a marathon with one foot encased in a barrel of cement.

Thank yous

Dear Abby: I am a school teacher and I receive gifts at class parties. When I do, I respond with a written thank-you note a few days later. I also receive thank-you cards. Many times these thank-you cards contain gift cards. If I open it in front of the giver, I always give a verbal thank-you, but is it required to write a thank-you?

Wants To Do It Right

Dear Wants To Do It Right: A thank-you for a thank-you is not required. A thankyou that’s accompanied by a gift should be acknowledged with a written note.