Bangkokians and eight shoe-based personality types.

Get your kicks with our foot-based personality judgements

It’s embarrassing to get caught staring at someone, but we sometimes can’t resist. We just love to look at strangers and guess what type of person they are. To make things a bit less risky, here’s a tip for the judgemental among us. There are several easily identifiable Bangkok stereotypes. All we have to do is look at feet. Here are eight shoe-based personality types.

Office Ladies and MaeKha

When you get down to it, office gals and the women they buy their food from at the market are cut from the same cloth. They eat food that comes from the same wok, love the same sweet coffee, disguise weight issues with same good humour and rush home to watch the same melodramatic soap operas. Too proud to admit this they allow only their comfortable, padded flip-flops to reveal their similarities. And it really makes no difference if their pairs cost 2,000 baht or 50 baht.

Where they can be found: At a Channel 3 concert, holding custom-made LED signs.

The Hi-so Chic Girl

She’s a statement maker with those blingy shoes, hair dyed a “natural” brown, toting a (real) LV or Bao Bao bag, and of course she’s the co-owner/co-founder of a chic Instagram fashion shop you’ve probably been coerced to promote on your own social media page. You’ll constantly see her at Starbucks on her stickercovered Macbook Pro, 20% working on her business, 80% Facebooking. She loves company, and there’s a perfectly rational reason for this: Who’s gonna take her social-media-worthy “candid” pictures?

Where she can be found: If not at a Starbucks, then a hip brunch place on Sukhumvit. Just follow her latest Facebook check-in.

The “Do You Know Who My Dad Is?” Guy

Let us guess the rest of the outfit for this one. From bottom to top: chino shorts, an explicitly branded belt — because those are the only ones certified to hold up a pocketful of platinum cards — and a Fred Perry polo shirt. This is that guy who’s always cracking the label of something that costs most people a month’s salary. But we can’t say he hasn’t earned it, having worked hard all his life to get his parents to like him enough to hand over the multimillion-baht family business. If the rest of us were nearly as wise, we would have pursued the same career.

Where he can be found: Anywhere with supercar parking by day, Nung Len by night.

Dermatologists and Dentists

We’re curious if there’s something in their job descriptions stating, “You must wear ugly shoes to distract your patients from the pain you are about to inflict on them.” As if their flawless teeth and skin weren’t enough of a distraction. Is this supposed to be some kind of misguided metaphor for their occupation? “We’re doctors, but we’re the fun type.” Sure, you are — you look at people’s pimples and cavities all day.

Where they can be found: Their clinics, duh.

The Annoyingly Likeable Art Student

There’s something about art students that invites dislike. They’re supposed to be self-righteous and verbose, especially when it comes to movies and music. But this evolved version of a hipster is annoying because he (or she) doesn’t fulfil our expectations of being pretentious. They earnestly use Facebook to keep up with art events and indie film screenings, and won’t gratuitously rant about them afterwards to prove they attended. They keep to themselves for the most part, but are friendly and non-judgemental when they do socially interact — UGH!

Where they can be found: Wandering around Charoen Krung or Khao San Road, actually looking at their surroundings (not at their smartphones).

The Swifty

Don’t let the swoosh fool you. Look closely. Are the soles worn? Does she take unsightly man-strides — or dainty steps, so that anything white stays impossibly white? She’s the girl who once tried muay Thai or yoga fly and tells everyone she “does” it — as in regularly. But let’s not be mean; she’s just a hi-so girl who has realised the impracticality of rhinestones, chiffon and Chanel, but still desires admiration. Isn’t that all of us?

Where she can be found: Malls — and we’re talking upscale malls, not Platinum.

The “Gym Comes First” Girl

Whether it’s choosing a job, a place to live, a bank, a boyfriend or lunch, this girl makes her decisions based on one thing — the gym. Will I have time to hit the gym if I take this job? Does the office itself have a gym? This condo’s gym doesn’t have a leg curl machine (i.e. keep looking). Does this credit card come with a free gym membership? He doesn’t lift. If I eat this, I need to run 10km tonight. I need to eat this because I just ran 10km. But just because she works out doesn’t mean she can’t relate to other girls. She still enjoys posting selfies on Instagram — although there might be more than a few snaps of her fabulous abs.

Where she can be found: Literally any and all gyms in Bangkok (she’s already got the GuavaPass).

The Expat

Wow, an actually worn pair of brand-name sneaks and visible socks? Such disregard for conformity and saving face can only mean one thing — these people are not Thai. He’s the farang at the office who sweats even with the air-con on full blast. A few of his experiences living in Bangkok include paying more for everything and being scouted to play the obligatory foreigner in a lakorn. Nevertheless, there’s no other place he’d rather be.

Where he can be found: Cheap Charlie’s on Sukhumvit Soi 11 and at networking events. (When he’s not too busy sweating in the office, that is.)