BE TRUE TO YOU

Tell us about your growing up as a transgender child.

I wasn’t a sporty boy. I preferred drawing, colouring and everything artistic. My father wanted me to be a soldier like him, so you can imagine the pressure I was under. I lived with him when my parents divorced and grew up in a military base in Lop Buri. I guess I was born this way. When it was clear to him that I was different, he sent me to an all-boys boarding school. I tried to win his approval by studying hard.

Luckily, I found like-minded friends and started taking birth control pills when I was 15. I developed small breasts and had to get up really early to shower to avoid being seen by other boys because we shared the shower room. I wrapped my chest tightly to flatten it during the day. I started living as a woman when I attended university. My father was shocked at first but is fine with my identity now because he can see that I can take care of myself.

How did you get your started in the fashion scene?

My first dream was actually to be a beauty pageant contestant but, as you can see, I don’t look the part by Thai standards. A friend told me about the launch of the transgender division and suggested I should do a casting for it. Many applied and I, along with about 10 other models, was chosen. I have been in love with modelling ever since. The feeling you get walking down a runway or being in front of camera is exhilarating.

How has your experience as a trans model been?

I’ve never experienced any outright disrespect, but certain things have happened that make me wonder whether I was unfairly judged. Once I was cast for a runway show for a major mall. I was so glad when they called to tell me to make myself available on the day of the show. I later called them to ask when they wanted me to go in for a fitting. They then told me I had been replaced. I cried so hard. There have also been head-to-toe stares, but I tried to pay them no mind. I know I am competing with natural women for the same job but, in my opinion, fashion is about selling an aesthetic or a look. It isn’t about the gender a model was assigned with at birth. There have been designers who welcome a girl like me too. I think people have become more aware of transgender people because of people like Andreja Pejic and Caitlyn Jenner, and I feel the local fashion scene is slowly accepting us.

The US Supreme Court recently legalised same-sex marriage. What do you hope to see happen in Thailand for LGBT rights?

I wish for the same thing to happen here. Sure, you see news about same-sex couples having wedding ceremonies here, but theirs are symbolic and don’t count in the eyes of the law. I want their unions to matter. I don’t get my hopes up on having a female title in front of my name, though. If I get to use it, it would be great, but I don’t need it to reinforce what I already know about being true to myself. It also won’t change prejudices people may have against a person like me. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned during the past six months? It doesn’t matter how many times you have failed, when you get a chance to do what you love, you should give it your best. Being true to yourself sets you free and makes you feel like you can take on anything. When you live truthfully, you may get some haters, but I like that because I know where they stand and I can just avoid them. On the other hand, when you’re open about who you are, you know that when people come and talk to you, they want to get to know you as a real person.