Sexual history causes concern
Dear Annie: I’ve been in a relationship for five years with a guy who has been very enjoyable company. However, in the past 18 months, rumours have surfaced about him being bisexual. He never told me about this part of his past.
Finally, I confronted him, and he admitted this was just a whim at a time in his life when he was alone. He’s been divorced for 43 years and claims he never knew why his wife divorced him.
He now feels that, since he is with me and the past desires are no longer there, I should just forget about my disgusted feelings and go on as if nothing was ever said.
His friends were the ones who kept dropping these hints to me, but of course, I ignored them until now. I don’t know if I should continue this relationship.
He is 85 and I am 79. We don’t have sex, since he has erectile dysfunction and his desires have diminished.
Worrying Winnie Dear Winnie: What is it that you want from this relationship? Whatever is in this man’s past does not need to affect your future. Someone who is bisexual is attracted to both men and women. If this were a sexual relationship, we might understand your concerns. But you aren’t having sex with him and have no plans to do so. You don’t have to marry him. You find him to be very enjoyable company. We don’t see a problem. If you want to continue spending time with him, go right ahead.
A real life
Dear Annie: I have to reply to “What Happened?” the distraught wife whose husband is preoccupied with celebrities. You said this isn’t uncommon and to ask him to spend 15 minutes a day looking into each other’s eyes and listening to one another.
Your advice was a bit too soft for this guy. He sounds like someone who needs to get a life, which should include his wife. This behaviour needs to be stopped cold turkey, not enabled. It’s like an addiction. And it makes a poor substitute for the real things in life.
Devoting so much of his time to something as empty as celebrity gossip is a sign that something’s missing. This man may need help to focus on the special someone who cares who he is — his wife.
Regular Person in Phoenix
Dear Phoenix: We agree that a fixation on celebrities is ridiculously shallow, but have you looked at your TV, computer and newspaper lately? We are bombarded daily with celebrity news, celebrity updates, celebrity babies, celebrity divorces, celebrity clothes — there’s no escape from it unless you live in a cave.
This is a mild addiction. If her husband can spend at least 15 minutes a day really connecting with his wife, it will help enormously. If he cannot do that much, counselling is always useful, but he must be willing to go.
Plus one
Dear Annie: I agree that a guest should not put a bride or groom “on the spot” by asking to bring a date. But I’d like to mention a time when it worked. My partner and his daughter had been estranged for many years. One of the best things to happen was when his daughter’s fiancé facilitated a reconciliation. Part of the reconciliation was an invitation to their wedding. After receiving the invitation, we had dinner with the fiancé. We felt we had little choice but to confirm that, as the father’s partner, I was included in the invitation because my name was not on it. The fiancé said yes. We’ll never know if that was simply his decision at the time, but had I not also been welcome, it would have undone all the work of reconciliation.
A North Carolina Gay Partner