Wiggles should be seen and not heard

An expression I’ve heard with increasing frequency on international television newscasts lately is “wiggle room”. It is often used in reports about international talks or negotiations, suggesting there may be room for manoeuvre. Hardly a day goes by without tales of Barack Obama or David Cameron apparently searching for a little more “wiggle room”, which conjures up some rather scary images. The expression is beginning to get a bit irritating.

In the old days, the word “flexibility” would have sufficed or perhaps “leeway”, but they are seemingly too dull for modern newsrooms, so I suspect we will have to put up with “wiggle room” for some time to come.

Of course I was brought up in the Stone Age at a time when the word “wiggle” was usually associated with the likes of Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren. They all knew how to wiggle and were much better at it than Obama or Cameron.

Wiggling was definitely in vogue in those non-PC days of the 1950s and ’60s. In the song Chantilly Lace, Jerry Lee Lewis would sing about a girl with “a wiggle and a walk, a giggle and a talk”.

But poor old Elvis Presley got into trouble for excessive wiggling. FBI director J Edgar Hoover claimed the singer’s stage movements were “a definite danger to the security of the United States”. One suspects Hoover would have found “wiggle room” a major threat.

Time warp

While “wiggle room” might be mildly annoying, perhaps the most overused expression by newscasters and politicians alike is “at this moment in time”. You hear it just about every day on television and radio interviews and it doesn’t really mean anything. At best it’s a long-winded way of saying “now” and even that word is probably unnecessary.

One suspects the reason this expression is used so often is that it gives the speaker a precious couple of seconds to dream up what to say next. It’s really a substitute for all those “ums” and “errs” and “you knows” accompanied by assorted unintelligible mumbling. So, in that respect, maybe “at this moment in time” does serve a useful function — but it is still bloody irritating.

Hit list

In 2008, Oxford University released a top 10 of the most irritating phrases. Although that was seven years ago, most of the guilty expressions have not gone away.

Topping the list was “at the end of the day”. This is still used by news analysts who somehow have an aversion to the simple word, “ultimately”. Runner-up was “fairly unique”, an expression you still regularly hear from newscasters. Something is either unique or it’s not — you can’t be “fairly” when it comes to being unique.

Another front-runner was “with all due respect”, which is a pompous way of announcing that whatever is said next will not show any respect whatsoever.

Among those on the list were “24/7”, which stopped being trendy about a decade ago, as did “it’s not rocket science”.

Another popular word which made it on to Oxford’s irritating top 10 list was “absolutely”, a gushingly over the top way of saying “yes”.

Frank and honest

Perhaps the most annoying expressions are those that are blatant untruths. “To be perfectly honest,” is one that immediately springs to mind. It suggests that the speaker is normally anything but honest. The same goes for “frankly speaking”.

In a similar vein is “I don’t want to be rude, but…” which is usually followed by the speaker being rude.

Then we have “correct me if I’m wrong”, which generally means “I am definitely right and don’t even think about correcting me”.

The same goes for “I can see where you’re coming from”. This is a rather condescending way of saying “you’ve totally missed the point, unlike clever me”.

One expression we are all probably guilty of uttering is “but, having said that…” and then go on to contradict everything we have said previously, a handy way of sitting on the fence and incidentally very useful in committee meetings.

Some expressions are irritating, simply because they are too clever by half and spoken by people who think they are being smart. In this respect “singing from the same hymn book” has always been annoying, as has “thinking out of the box”, not to be confused with “ticking all the right boxes”.

Tribute to the cliche

All the above expressions are basically cliches, a word derived from the French publishing name for a printing plate that can be re-used over and over again.

So, not for the first time, we can blame it on the French.

Of course PostScript will endeavour to stick to the fundamentals of the English language and avoid cliches like the plague. Alas, at this moment in time, I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. But, having said that…

Dead sheep and rhinos

Some expressions can pass the test of time. British Labour politician Denis Healey, who died last week aged 98, will always be known for a brilliant parliamentary putdown. After being verbally attacked in the House of Commons by the normally timid Conservative politician Geoffrey Howe, he came out with the splendid retort: “Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.”

Healey was also responsible for referring to Margaret Thatcher as “Rhoda the Rhino”.