COVER STORY
Ways to make Thailand completely, perfectly, wholly, 100% happy.
DROP THE BASS
Music is one of the most powerful vehicles of empowerment and unification, so it’s no wonder that such a musically gifted government reigned in a nearly perfect score in the popularity polls. However, the men and women of the Thai government are foiled by the same trap into which many artists fall: they can write a song, they can produce it, but they don’t know how to market it. As experts on the now, we recommend remixing
Return Happiness To Thailand, as well as the newer, lesserknown track, Because You Are Thailand, with EDM beats, to keep the tunes current for the new generation.
LIGHT IT UP
The central government can actually learn something about “returning happiness to the people” from the local government. During New Year’s, the BMA spent B39 million of taxpayer’s money on a monumentally energy-wasting LED light wonderland at Lan Khon Muang. Who cares that the money could have gone toward something more practical like education or infrastructure when city hall is so prettily blinged, amirite? Central gov’t needs to show who’s boss at spending crucial funds questionably.
TUK TUK RIDE BY TU
The day PM Prayut gave Miss Thailand a tuk tuk ride around Government House was a great day. We learned that the PM, despite his elite position and duties, is really a simple man who enjoys the small things in life — like driving a rickshaw. This is one image of the PM that shouldn’t be forgotten. The government should launch a spin-off campaign titled, “Tuktuk ride by Tu” (catchy!), in which winners of a raffle get to have Uncle Tu as their chauffeur for the day. It’s a fun and brilliantly Thai way of personally delivering happiness to the people.
ENGLISH BROADCASTS
Year 2016 is as clear as the “end of 2015” gets. The AEC is game on, sending citizens of this notoriously lowEnglish proficiency Asian country into official freak out mode. The stress only hampers our efforts to improve our Englid, and what people need right now is to see a leader practise what he preaches. Prayut should start doing his broadcasts in English to boost morale and inspire. If Uncle can do it, me can too!
MAKE A CALENDAR
It’s not too late to put together a souvenir NCPO 2016 calendar, to make citizens feel as though their government cares about them. The gesture can’t come at a more opportune time than now. With the recent ban on the “Red” calendar, a notable portion of the populace is left without a way to keep track of the days and months in 2016. This is the perfect offering of peace and order, and we just know March is going have a great accompanying photo, considering which chief army general has his birthday during that month.
COPY CRIS
“Whiteness helps you win,” says Cris Horwang in the latest viral ad for whitening pills. And how can we not believe the mega-successful danceractress-model-TV mentor? It’s terrifying to think that someone with such talent and drive might never have been given the chance, had she not been whitening her skin. In perfecting its administration, the NCPO cannot afford to overlook any effort toward public approval. So, put your best, whitest face forward, and don’t lose out to a paler opposition.