Not my biological father

Dear Annie: I recently discovered that the man I called ‘Dad’ all my life was not my biological father, after he passed away last year. “Jack” always treated me the same as his other children, with kindness and love. I will always think of him as my father and have no desire to know who my biological father is.

He loved my children and they were extremely lucky to have him in their lives. I am not sure whether I should tell them the truth, because he was such a wonderful part of their lives. Seeing as he kept the truth from me, I don’t think he wanted anyone to know.

Grateful for Him

Dear Grateful for Him: You’re probably right that he didn’t want anyone to know, but he sounds like such a supportive parent that I’m sure he would want you to make whatever decision is right for your family. So if you end up telling your children, don’t feel guilty. At the end of the day, the fact remains that Jack was their real grandpa in every way that counts.

Twenty questions

Dear Annie: I am a very private person, but I have a family member who asks too many questions (of everyone) all the time — silly questions, personal questions, medical questions, etc.

I have spoken to her privately about this — telling her that I am not comfortable with the constant questions — multiple times. However, she will not stop. She says it doesn’t bother her. I have tried to change the subject when she gets into a line of questioning; she brings it back. It has got so that I try to avoid being around her. However, this is impossible at times.

DC

Dear DC: You’ve told her that this behaviour makes you uncomfortable, and she responded by saying it “doesn’t bother” her? Either this woman is hard of hearing or she has a mental illness that causes compulsive talking. You might want to talk to some other relatives regarding the latter concern.

And the next time she starts the game of 2,100 questions, be extremely direct. Just say: “Stop”. If she won’t, excuse yourself and walk away. It’s nice when relatives take an interest in our lives, but an interrogation is no conversation.

Extreme hoarders

Dear Annie: “Stressed Out in Middle America” wrote to you about her friend “Jenna”, a hoarder. You told “Stressed Out” to encourage Jenna to see a mental health specialist. Well, I know from experience that trying to tell a hoarder to see a counsellor does no good. My son and his wife are hoarders. They refuse to even believe that anything is wrong with them. It is everyone else who has a problem, not them; they are just fine. They have not cleaned certain rooms in 20 years. They just keep piling up stuff and collecting more. We used to go clean the home every six months.

However, we are elderly and are unable to do it. As soon as we would clean, it would pile up in a week all over again. It is so very sad that their children have to live like that. Hard to Watch

Dear Hard to Watch: Seeing as your son does care for the children, you could tell him that you think the situation is so serious that if he doesn’t seek counselling, you will have no choice but to call the authorities. The children could be in danger. Contact their local government to see what agencies could intervene.

Got milk?

Dear Annie: My husband and I disagree on when to discard milk. I find that our milk is spoiled by the “sell by” date on the bottle. He believes that date is only good as long as the bottle remains unopen. He tells me that once you open the bottle, the milk will spoil sooner than the date on the bottle, so it should be discarded no later than the “sell by” date.

Tired of Tossing Milk in Connecticut

Dear Tired of Tossing Milk: You and your husband are not alone in this debate. Food researchers at Cornell have conducted studies on the shelf life of milk. It turns out there are a lot of factors. An unopen carton of milk will stay good for seven to 10 days past the “sell by” date, as long as it’s not exposed to sunlight. Once you open it, a carton of regular milk should stay good for five to seven days if stored at 4C or less. Organic milk tends to take longer to spoil. Ultimately, though, you can’t go wrong by the old adage, “When in doubt, throw it out”.