FILTHY RICH
WHEN JON WALL TOOK THEIR OPULENT NEW CULLINAN SUV OUT FOR A TEST DRIVE THROUGH THE AMERICAN ROCKIES, THE ROLLS-ROYCE PEOPLE ENCOURAGED HIM TO RETURN IT COVERED IN MUCK. SO HE DID
It's not often you climb aboard a Rolls-Royce and are sent off into the wilds with the understanding that, when you return it around eight hours and a couple of hundred kilometres later, it's going to be dirty. But then unless your name is Thomas Edward Lawrence, better known as the World War I hem Lawrence of Arabia, who in his campaigns across the desert was photographed riding aboard an extremely grimy Silver Ghost, it's doubtful that any car bearing the Spirit of Ecstasy ornament you've ever travelled in has been anything other than spotless. The vehicle that I'm driving, however, is a very different proposition from any Rolls-Royce we've seen before. The motor manufacturer's first-ever SUV, the Cullinan - which after a lengthy gestation and countless social-media teases was finally revealed to the world via a webcast in May - combines the company's customary head-spinning luxury with off-road abilities we'd hitherto never have associated with the august British brand. And to underscore those facts I've been brought deep into the Rocky Mountains of Wyoming, where, in a spectacular autumnal setting of snow-capped mountains, rushing rivers, golden aspen forests and dusty trails - a backdrop normally suggestive of Stetson-wearing cowboys but never stately Rolls-Royces - we've been invited to put this astounding new monster through its paces.
This, of course, is prime SUV country, one of those areas of the US where the footprint of the average runabout is similar to that of a decent-size residence in some countries. So that when standing next to the ubiquitous Cadillac Escalades, nine-scat Chevy Suburbans and Ford F150 pickups, the Cullinan doesn't look excessive at all - or at least not in terms of size. Make no mistake, though, this new Rolls is huge and it's in no way out of place on highways such as these. The numbers say it all. The Cullinan measures more than 5.3 metres from front to rear, which is a just a few centimetres short of a full-size Ghost limousine. At almost 1.84 metres high, it's likely taller than most passengers, and its 2.16-metre girth makes it wider than many trucks. That it weighs just 2.66 tonnes dry, however, is a testament to its aluminium-rich Architecture of Luxury spaceframe construction - I say "just", because you must remember the Cullinan has a gargantuan, 6.75-litre twin-turbo V12 up front, a heavy and complex four-wheel-drive system plus a satnav-assisted eight-speed automatic (SAT) beneath the floor, active air suspension, steerable rear wheels and an interior that has at least as many luxurious amenities stuffed into it as the Royal Suite in Claridge's. And that's not to forget 100kg of sound deadening inserted into every conceivable bodywork cavity - and even the tyres - which
THE VAST THRONE I’M COSSETED WITHIN IS COVERED IN THE MOST BUTTERY HIDE IMAGINABLE
would probably do Abbey Road Studios proud. I’d honestly feared that any SUV emanating from the Rolls-royce factory couldn’t help but be outré and possibly – dare I suggest it? – vulgar, but the reality is that aside from the sheer grandeur of its proportions and presence, and the towering Parthenon grille that adorns its nose, the Cullinan’s exterior styling is classy and even in some respects subtle. This is partly because the designers have resisted the urge to overegg the SUV’S van-like silhouette with meaningless creases and power lines, opting instead for the suggestion of a truncated rear deck and a hint at the elegance of a conventional limo’s “three-box” shape. The short front and long rear overhangs also lend grace and athleticism to a format that all can too often be utilitarian and functional. That same refined air even extends to the interior, which, though groaning with opulence and quite obviously customisable to meet every whim (I forget the number of leather, wood and colour options available, but the permutations are inexhaustible), still strikes me as tasteful and restrained. Naturally, all I can see and touch is made from the finest materials and could hardly be more exquisitely hand crafted, more beautiful to look at or more sumptuously comfortable – from the milled-metal organ stops that control the air vents to the lambs-wool mats beneath my feet. Equally regal is the vast throne that I’m cosseted within (rather than merely sitting upon), which is covered in the most buttery hide imaginable. This being 2018, however, there are also plenty of concessions to contemporaneity, such as the digital dashboard, the touchsensitive infotainment display, the suite of driver-assistance technologies and the superb sound system. Indeed, my car is even swisher than some other Cullinans that Roll- Royce has brought along, as it has a pair of individual chairs in the rear (this option also gets a console-mounted refrigerator and a glass partition that seals off the luggage area) as opposed to the standardissue bench, which the company says is “more attractive to families”. Even better, were I attending a polo tournament – or, in this part of the world, perhaps a rodeo – I could open the split, electrically operated tailgate and watch the action from the optional twin-seat Viewing Suite, occasionally throwing disdainful glances in the direction of less privileged spectators nearby. And of course, my ultra-suv wouldn’t be a proper Roller if one pair of doors didn’t open the “wrong” way, a foible that – along with the car’s height, the absence of sills and the ability to squat on its suspension when parked – actually facilitates access to the cabin no end. Room is plentiful whether riding front or back, you sit higher than in a conventional Rolls-royce and the large glass area enhances the sense of airiness and space. From the driver’s seat, looking along the bonnet to the flying-lady mascot (think of it as a somewhat superior “gunsight”), the view is all-encompassing and the sense of total command heightened by the excellent position and a helm that’s thicker and more wieldy than usual. As with other Rollers, the transmission is operated by a steeringcolumn wand. There are no paddles for manual shifting – the SAT relieves you of any such ungentlemanly chores – but in the unlikely event you do require an element of manual control when driving off road, and especially up- or downhill, there’s a Low button on the selector that holds second gear. On tarmac, progress is in every way as relaxed and wafting as I’d
expected: wind, engine and transmission noise are barely audible and the self-levelling air springs so masterfully iron out the undulations that I could swear I’m floating. Flooring the accelerator I notice some muted activity in the engine bay as the V12 rapidly summons its colossal 850Nm, all of which is available from just 1,600rpm (and which propels this behemoth from zero to 100km/h in just over five seconds), but when driven merely briskly the Cullinan is virtually silent. The four-wheel steering is precise, communicative and makes the car far more agile than it ought to be, and though there’s noticeable body roll on corners, it’s so well controlled by the active dampers that you can easily maintain a rapid clip. It’s off road where things become surreal, not just because I’m driving a Rolls-royce up a slope that in a couple of months’ time will form part of a black ski run (and I skip up to the top with the ease of an outsize mountain goat), or kicking up the dust at considerable speed and for kilometre after kilometre along rock- and gravel-strewn forest tracks, but also because I’m doing this as my seat is treating me to a vigorous back massage and the stereo gently pumps out jazz in the background. Granted, we’re not exactly crossing Antarctica or the Darien Gap, but to call the ability of this big machine to transport its passengers over the rough as well as the smooth – and always in quite unbelievable comfort – impressive is an understatement indeed. If you were wondering whether owners really do want to take their shiny new Rollers off the highway and get them covered in mud, sand and dust, the answer is an emphatic yes. According to the Rolls-royce people, the Cullinan is the car their customers were crying out for – and for those very reasons – and to prove it their order book is full until well into 2020. And as for my day with their new SUV, when I finally roll up to the hotel portico, the Cullinan smeared in dust and me smiling broadly, my hosts are almost as delighted as I am that I’ve got their posh wheels filthy. Which surely must be some kind of first.