WHY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO SAY “NO”?
NOT BEING ABLE TO SAY “NO” IS A COMMON PROBLEM THAT MANY PEOPLE ARE LIKELY TO EXPERIENCE DURING THE DAILY LIFE. SAYING NO MAY BE MORE DIFFICULT, ESPECIALLY IF THE PERSON IN FRONT OF US HAS CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS WITH US. IN WOMEN, THIS PROBLEM IS MORE COMMON COMPARED TO MEN.
According to the researches, it was observed that being able to say “no” against any undesired situation makes the person happier psychologically, while being unable to say “no” leads person to depression. First of all, one may refrain from saying no as a tendency to avoid getting into conflict with people or because we do not want to have negative effects on people. But saying “yes” to things we don’t want can make us unhappy. Apart from engaging in conflict, if the person you are talking to is someone you care about, this behavior may be triggered by the an intention not to break that person and the anxiety that the relations between you and her/him will deteriorate. You may also abstain from saying no to an authority figure, for example your boss, but as a result of that, you may be under unnecessary workload and your motivation to work may decrease. Lack of self-confidence and shyness are other factors that can cause this problem. Sometimes your self, who is accustomed to saying yes, encodes that you will be a bad and selfish person when you say no, and you are focused on acceptance.
Sometimes the harm of not saying no can be as light as going to the cinema at the request of a friend, even if you don’t want to. However, the price of that may lead to serious harm in your life, sometimes by leading your life with the preferences of others, such as making a decision you do not want or choosing a profession you do not want.
How can we say No? According to experts, first you have to create a list of the things you have to do because you cannot say no to see how this problem affects your life. You can analyze what it feels like not being able to say no to the things you wrote on the list and review yourself in this way. Then you can start saying no by starting with the small questions. For example, you can decline the invitation of a close friend politely and explicitly, stating that you do not want it.
Sometimes, the way you express what you say may be more prominent than what you say. Therefore, when you say no, you should be careful to say it with a clear way without any harsh temperament, explaining your feelings as much as possible.
As you begin to see that saying no gradually makes you feel happier and more comfortable, saying no will no longer be that difficult to you. After friends, you can also try to say no to people who are more difficult to say no to. Remember that your happiness is more important than anyone, and if you are happy, you will also make those around you happy.