WHY FOOD SHOPPING IS TOP OF MY FEARS LIST

Suresh Menon is a writer based in India. In his youth he set out to change the world but later decided to leave it as it is

What do husbands fear the most? I don’t know about you, but my object of fear is the grocery list. I fear it more than door-to-door salesmen, voices on the phone urging me to buy insurance right now or the TV anchor who, every night, accuses me of being responsible for all the problems in my country. There are probably scientific terms for each of these, and also for a fifth (not caring if there is a term or not).

Sigmund Freud died before he could tell us which of our parents ought to be blamed for our dread of shopping lists. I can stare at one for ages without being able to make out what I am everybody on my street for at least three weeks, or enough grain to keep the bird population of the country in good health for four generations.

Once my wife realised I wasn’t actually colour blind, I lost the excuse to avoid vegetable shopping. I thought it was a good plan. I brought home green peppers when I was specifically asked to buy yellow ones, and asked innocently, ‘You mean these aren’t yellow?’ I even blinked a few times to underline my condition.

Around the time we were delegating responsibilities, grocery shopping was in the concurrent list. Either of us could do it.

In order to avoid looking at a list,