A SLICE OF LIFE

Our colum­nist Lori Borgman on how she copes with Ad­justed Hus­band Time – by ma­nip­u­lat­ing time.

Friday - - CONTENTS -

There are 24 time zones in the world. Each one is des­ig­nated by a burst of let­ters, the long­est of which is ACWST (Western Aus­tralia / Aus­tralia). The two most amus­ing time zone des­ig­na­tions are LINT and NUT.

We live and op­er­ate in a lit­tle-known 25th time zone known as AHT. We gladly would have des­ig­nated our time zone as NUT, but that one was al­ready taken.

AHT stands for Ad­justed Hus­band Time. The hus­band is one of the kind­est, most easy-go­ing, con­ge­nial peo­ple in the world. And he is nearly al­ways late.

His mother used to say he was late to his own birth. She ought to know – she was there.

The kids will tell you that he was of­ten the last one in his seat at school pro­grammes.

He will tell you that was how they spot­ted him in a crowd.

When I in­sisted fam­ily din­ner was a must, he of­ten left skid marks in the drive­way, screech­ing to a stop, try­ing to beat the food to the ta­ble.

He of­ten gets a late start on yard­work and is the neigh­bour mow­ing in the dark. That’s him, the one who fires up the leaf blower at 9pm.

The word hurry is not in his dic­tionary, nor in his vo­cab­u­lary. On the up­side, he has never hur­ried or rushed a sin­gle fam­ily mem­ber a sin­gle mo­ment in our lives.

In fact, he claims that peo­ple who rush and hurry to get to places on time or ahead of time are the ones wast­ing time. They wind up sit­ting around and wait­ing when they could have

The word hurry is not in his vo­cab­u­lary. He claims that peo­ple who rush and hurry to get to places on time or ahead of time are the ones wast­ing time

spent five or 10 more min­utes at home read­ing, work­ing, eat­ing or even sleep­ing.

At best, he would ad­mit that he of­ten makes it to an event on time by the skin of his teeth.

Alas, his teeth are out of skin, which is why I in­sti­tuted AHT. For the past few years, I have been ad­just­ing the time we need to leave the house by about 30 min­utes.

The move has been so suc­cess­ful that our grown chil­dren now ad­just the time they wish him to be some­where by as much as 45 min­utes.

Ini­tially, I was un­easy think­ing it was de­ceit­ful to fudge on the time or move his bed­side clock up when­ever I dusted, but I can tell you now it was an ex­cel­lent move in the name of peace and har­mony in the home.

I’m still ready ahead of time and of­ten wait in the car. He still flies out the door with a cup of cof­fee in hand, but we now ar­rive at events be­fore the park­ing garages flash the big red signs that say FULL. We are no longer the last to ar­rive at fam­ily birth­day par­ties or din­ner with friends. We’ve been able to pick where we want to sit at wed­dings and have even seen trail­ers be­fore the fea­tured movie be­gins.

He’s happy. I’m happy. It is the best of times.

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