A SLICE OF LIFE
Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…
When kids live with our columnist Lori Borgman, her home transforms from a cosy space to an obstacle course.
Our daughter, her husband and their three little ones have been with us since August waiting for their house to be finished. People often ask how it is going. The truth is, we have settled into a lovely and comfortable routine, brought about, in part, by our willingness to live amid an obstacle course.
The various baby contraptions, small furniture pieces and assorted paraphernalia scattered throughout the house have become more or less permanent fixtures. As such, they have rerouted traffic patterns and altered many of our basic movements. Our reflexes are now sharper than ever, we burn more calories each day and are closing in on long-standing fitness goals.
Before their arrival, we simply walked from one room to the other with no cardio or stretch benefit whatsoever. Now the doorway from the kitchen to the dining room is occupied by a Jolly Jumper, a bulky contraption on a spring, suspended from the overhead door moulding. The baby sits in the jumper seat and bounces up and down screaming with glee.
To get from the kitchen to the dining room, we give the contraption a gentle hip bump, elongate our entire bodies, inhale deeply to minimise our girth, stretch until we can stretch no more, then slither through the small opening between the contraption and the door frame.
Our flexibility has improved dramatically, and we are both five inches taller.
A portable bassinet in the family is parked in front of the access area to the bookshelves. If you want books, a brief run and short hurdle over the bassinet will get you there. Reading, once a passive activity, now leaves us breathless.
The baby walker is less negotiable as it has big feet and is easy to trip over. When the baby walker appears in your path, it is best to turn sharply, cut a wide swath around it, then resume speed.
Further benefiting our cardio, we often take the stairs two at a time. A baby crying, preschoolers wailing, glass breaking or the sound of water rushing from unknown origins and we are on our way.
It feels good to be running track again. The Bumbo, a moulded plastic seat the baby can sit in, has been a challenge as it is frequently mobile. It may be in the kitchen one minute, behind my desk chair another, or under the piano keyboard. You never know if it will be occupied by baby or by a life-size baby doll that scares the wits out of you. The Bumbo has been hard on our blood pressure, but we are adapting.
Even the downstairs restroom is a challenge. An adult must lean in at a precarious angle over a step stool used by the girls to reach the sink and maintain balance while washing their hands. The hand towel will be on the floor or
Further benefiting our cardio, we take the stairs two at a time – due to a baby crying, preschoolers wailing, glass breaking or the sound of water rushing
half-way in the sink, but never on the towel bar. We disdain predictability.
We’ve never been more fit. Who knows what we’ll do when they leave. Probably just sit around, grow sedentary and out of shape.
And cry our eyes out.