A SLICE OF LIFE

Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Our columnist Lori Borgman was once convinced moms had eyes at the back of their heads. She’s also passed on that piece of fiction down generations.

The tall tales mothers tell are sometimes passed from one generation to the next. My mother wore glasses. She told us that mothers who wore glasses had eyes in the back of their heads, which is why she could always see what we were doing. It was believable because she could walk out of the living room and tell us what we were doing as her back was to us. It was amazing – and a powerful incentive to behave. How I wished I had eyes in the back of my head.

Plus, it was also common knowledge that teachers had eyes in the back of their heads, and Mom had been a teacher as well.

We were doomed. I often wondered what life would be like to have a mother who didn’t wear glasses or hadn’t been a teacher. Not that I wanted to trade in my mother, but still you wonder. Those other kids must have been on Easy Street.

It wasn’t until I had a growth spurt that I realised how my mother knew what we were doing. She did not have eyes in the back of her head, but she did have a large wall mirror hanging in the living room. We were too short to see into it, but she could see what we were doing behind her when she walked away or glanced into the mirror from another room.

Of course, being that I could now peer into the bottom of the mirror and see a few things behind me, I told my younger brother that I, too, had eyes in the back of my head. He didn’t buy it, and not just because I didn’t wear glasses. He may have been younger and shorter, but he’d already figured out Mom could see us in the mirror.

When the husband and I had children, I didn’t bother telling them that I could see out of the back of my head because I wore glasses. I just went full bore fiction and said that all mothers can see out of the backs of their heads.

It worked for a little while, as small children often regard their mothers as having inherent supernatural powers. Unfortunately, they don’t stay small for long.

For today’s generation of mothers, there are now ORBI Prime glasses on the market that really do allow you to see out of the back of your head. The glasses have four cameras built into them, giving wearers a full 360-degree range of vision. What do you bet moms helped invent them?

Two of the grands recently had doctor appointments and their mother, who does not wear glasses but is a former teacher, told them to get ready, go brush their teeth and comb their hair.

As she was leaving the room, the 4-year-old, who wakes up with a wild out-of-control mop of tangled curls every morning, said in breathless wonder to her 5-year-old sister, “How did she know?”

Pure and simple. Mom Power.

Small kids often regard their mothers as having supernatural powers. Unfortunately, they don’t stay small for long