When did we get so old?
Why some of us cope better with the troubling transition may be based on how we measure our self- esteem
Johnathan Rodgers, who is 68, knew that it was time to step down as president and chief executive of the cable channel TV One when he looked around the conference table. “I had almost always been the youngest through most of my career,” says the former media executive. “Now I was the oldest, and it caused great discomfort.”
Robert Krulwich knows the feeling. As co- host of WNYC’s popular science series Radiolab, he works with people many years his junior. “I try to be aware that whenever I think of myself as a peer, I mentally catch myself,” says Krulwich, who is in his 60s. “There is business to be done between us, but always from two different places. I used to forget it, but they never do.”
Yes, my generation, born between 1946 and 1964, has physical concerns: Friends are dying, joints are aching, and memories are failing. There are financial issues, with forced retirement and unemployment, children needing money and possibly a bed and dependent parents. But for many of us, it is a psychological quandary that is causing the most unpleasantness: Looking around and suddenly being the oldest. Every generation gets old, but for those who were told we would be forever young, it just seems more painful. “It’s a huge issue,” says Dr Anna Fels, a psychiatrist in New York. “I see so many who are trying to adjust their lives to this newphase, which, for some reason, none of us really pictured ourselves going through.”
Why didn’t we? We knew that eventually more people around us would be younger rather than older. But it still rankles. The image of a room filled with younger people is the perfect symbol.
“It’s an important marker for this generation because it reminds them that they are now the ones closest to obsolescence, the ones theworld can do with out,” says Dr Roger Gould, a psychiatrist and the author of Transformations, a book about age- related adult problems. “I think the wake- up call for many was when [ Barack] Obamawas elected,” says Joan Entmacher, vicepresident for Family Economic Security at the National Women’s Law Centre in Washington. “Now, they were older than the president! Even pre- retirement, boomers realise they are no longer cutting edge.”
Noisy restaurants
Misery loves company. We can take comfort in knowing there are around 77 million boomers, the largest generation in the US population. Someone turns 50 every seven seconds. It seems the sufferers eventually settle into one of two groups. The first are those who prefer being around younger people, even moving to college communities or hip neighbourhoods. In this category, I would include my friend Robin, who, at 67, frequents Soul Cycle, eats at noisy restaurants and avoids Wednesday matinees. Then there are those who prefer the places where they are on the younger end. I— as of this moment a fit 65— domy lifting and stretching at the 92nd Street Y, where they still lament that Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis broke up. This is one of the last places I am considered a kid.
Why some of us cope better with the troubling transition may be based on how we measure our selfesteem. “If a person bases his or her pride of self on havingwon a tournament at 18, they are very vulnerable later on,” Gould says. Even deciding whether or not to colour our hair, not tomention take advantage of cosmetic procedures, presents a boomer dilemma: Canwe stay true to our feminism while ceding to our narcissism? In her memoir, Hillary Clinton writes about being the toughest in the rooms where war and peace were discussed. Still, she is already seeing that her health, fatigue- factor and even becoming a grandmother may yet speak unspoken volumes.
Rather than going gently into mentor mode I have now entered the Extreme Sport of the Boomer Challenge, returning to college after 40 gap years. Sitting in Columbia University classrooms, where I am the oldest and dumbest. And I am learning some lessons of another kind. For example, never start a sentence with, “When Iwas your age ...” or “Inmy day ...” Do not attempt to show that while youmay look old, you are still 22 inside.
When I was asked in a sociology class what music I listened to, I hesitantly named Sam Cooke, thinking I would be stared at with stumped pity. In fact, many voices shouted out, “Love Sam Cooke!” My relief is understood by a buoyant Johnathan Rodgers, who has retired from his cable TV jobs and is finding life these days to be liberating. “I used to colour my hair, now I don’t,” says Rodgers, who is serving on some boards. “Yes, being the youngest person in the room was more exciting and empowering. This is not the same, but it’s the new reality.”