Single and free

wo weeks ago I wrote a column about how every day can feel the same, but when you look back over a year everything has changed. Well, the very next day after I wrote that column, I had one of those days where the carousel stops, flips you off and changes direction entirely.

Two weeks ago — just two days before Valentine’s Day (and over the phone, I might add) — my boyfriend finished our relationship, so I’m now single without my Chihuahua (he was taken from me and returned to my ex-boyfriend’s family) and looking for a new home (still living with my ex for now).

If you are a long-time reader of the column, have no fear, I don’t plan on having a long downward spiral of depression, denial and crisis like I did when things ended with The Greek. This time I feel it’s probably for the best — I don’t want babies, he wants babies. He’s moody and makes me feel irritating for wanting to spend time with him. So you see, it wasn’t meant to be.

But that’s not to say it’s not been a bumpy couple of weeks and I’m sure it will continue to be for a little while because moving out sucks, not having my dog sucks and not having any money for a decent deposit sucks. But the things that are stressing me out the most are also exciting me the most — do I even want to live in Thailand anymore? Can I devote all my time to becoming a weightlifting pro now? What’s next?

I’m youngish, free and single and there are very few responsibilities in my life right now. But that’s not to say it’s all rainbows and hummingbirds. Ugh, no matter how much your head and heart tell you this is right and that you are free and relieved, there are still those happy memories and those times when you need a hug, or just want to message something funny to that person who’s been your go-to friend and confidante for the last however long, which make you feel rejected and lonely.

Last time this happened, my reaction was to quit my job, leave Dubai and book a month in a monastery in Nepal (I really did do that, but thankfully, logistically it didn’t work out). This time too I feel like changing a few things, but this time it’s not because I’m running away from heartbreak, it’s because I’m making the most of a freedom I thought I may have lost forever when things seemed to be heading towards marriage and babies.

I don’t know if I am less in love this time or just five years wiser, but whatever the reason, I’m handling this breakup like a pro (except for that one needy message I sent him, but nobody needs to know about that, do they?) Dusting myself off and trying again with more gusto than ever before.