Women learn to live with Aids stigma

SAUDIS SHOW OUTSTANDING COURAGE TO SURVIVE, CONFRONT SHAME SURROUNDING THE DISEASE

As a happily married woman, the last thing she expected to get from her husband was a chronic and life-threatening disease. But that was the bitter reality for Sarah, a Saudi woman, when she discovered that her husband had Aids and that he had transmitted the disease to her.

“One day I learnt that my husband had acquired immune deficiency syndrome [Aids] and I became really scared,” she said.

“I went to a laboratory for tests and check-ups and I discovered that I was infected. I was devastated and I became disoriented. We had four children and I became very afraid about their present and future. My husband was very apologetic, but it was of course too late. He died soon after and I was left practically alone to face a bleak future.”

Although deep inside Sarah accepted her fate and tried her best to deal with the rest of her life, she was worried about her children.

Second blow

“I did not want them to suffer because of the mistakes of their father. They had done absolutely nothing wrong and deserved to have secure lives. They had already lost one parent. I had to work harder to provide them with everything they could need,” she said.

However, Sarah was soon to suffer a second blow.

“Our boss ordered all employees to undergo medical tests to make sure they were well,” she said. “The test showed I was positive and I was subsequently sacked. The boss said that the company could not afford any negative publicity or allegation if people discovered that an employee had Aids,” she said.

Sarah’s world fell apart and she spent the next few weeks looking for ways to help her children and herself survive in the absence of financial resources, even from her extended family.

“I decided not to give up to despair for the sake of my children and mine as well. I was at a loss since my family did not really accept me, my company had rejected me and society in general refused to deal with me. I opted to make small things at home and sell them in order to make some money. It was not much, but it was enough to keep us going.”

A turning point was when she connected with other women living with HIV through an association.

“It was a breakthrough for me and getting to know women who were in the same condition as it boosted my self-confidence. I felt lucky to have some moral support and I learnt that I had a moral duty to help confront the social stigma about Aids and its unwilling victims, like me and many of the women I met.”

Marwa, another Saudi, said she was a vivacious, easy-going young woman who had a happy life.

“That was until I decided to have a nose piercing at a place run by a foreign woman,” she said. “I was surprised she was using the same tool with all women, but I did not object or say anything. One day, I discovered during a regular medical that I had been afflicted by the disease and that the foreign woman had Aids and had transmitted it to me. My world collapsed and I was shaken to the core. I did not know what to do and I was terrified my family would find out. The pressure of a possible scandal and an unavoidable rejection by my family were horribly unbearable. I was certain my family would throw me out of the house and society would never accept or even understand me. To me, I will always be guilty and never a victim. I had very, very difficult times.”

“One morning, my hand was injured and I needed treatment at a hospital. When I was in the emergency room, I wanted to be honest and I told the nurse about having Aids. The staff refused to deal with me and I was left waiting for about one hour. The pain from the wound was terrible, and the attitude of the staff was even more hurtful. I eventually started shouting and pleading for assistance until one doctor came to me and put on several gloves before touching me. It was utterly humiliating.”

Marwa eventually contacted an Aids association and started the long process of physical and emotional treatment.

Dr Sana Mustafa Filemban, the chairperson of the Saudi Society for Aids Patients, said more needed to be done to remove the social stigma of the disease: “It is about time we raised the issue on the fight against the spread of Aids on a more permanent basis and promote it on a much more visible platform until everyone becomes interested in contributing.”