‘FEAR, SADNESS: MY ANXIETY 101’

This bubbling pile in me is just there; not as part of a particular situation or event, or connected to an incident or relationship. It’s just simmering away, not at the brim, but not a tickle either. Sometimes it’s that feeling you used to get in school when you didn’t finish your homework — a feeling of some fear and trepidation. At other times, it is sadness that threatens to break out if I let loose, a second away.

Anxiety to me has always been a novel concept to attach to something I feel. However, at 27, I know that anxiety constitutes a spectrum and what I feel possibly falls in the lower end of it. Who triggers it, you may ask. Who wouldn’t — I would reply.

I have also noticed that as we grow older, it’s harder to deal with people. It has also become difficult to get understanding and meaningful deep friendships — most of us are usually reduced to one strong relationship. I had a friend in every face I saw regularly when I was 22. Five years later, I have none that I want to see regularly. So what is the trigger? It’s from the few I have let in to my life.

While I handle my own stress very well, I am a sponge for other people’s stress. If an important person in my life is stressed out, I get anxious and can’t sleep — even if the said person is fast asleep! I don’t bring it up because I am one of those people who don’t want to add to stress. I am quite an expert at it if I may say so myself.

I had a friend in every face I saw when I was 22. Five years later, I have none that I want to see regularly. So what’s the trigger? It’s from the few I have let in my life.”