Stop hovering around
HELICOPTER PARENTING, FUELLED BY TODAY’S COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT FOR CHILDREN, NEEDS TO GO, EXPERT SAYS
Helicopter parenting hampers child’s growth and needs to end, expert says |
It could evoke images of hyper-kinetic energy patterns and purpose and these could well be the truth too, but helicopter parenting has come to occupy a big space for itself as a counter-productive practice in the parenting dictionary.
Do you want to know why? Because when parents begin to hover over their children’s every aspect of learning and growth all the time, they could be jamming the levers of their child’s acceleration towards excellence, experts say.
The term “helicopter parent” was first used in 1969 by Dr Haim Ginott in his book Between Parents and Teenagers . It was later added to the dictionary in 2011.
Dr Ann Dunnewold, a licensed American psychologist called this type of parenting “over parenting”. In today’s frenetically paced life, with the constant stress that a child has to endure in order to be able to be an achiever and develop competitive aptitude, parental anxiety manifests itself as the need to push for perfection in children.
Also, parents often feel the urge to over-compensate for their own unmet needs or concede to peer pressure in matters related to their children. The result is that parents err on the side of overcaution, experts believe.
Dr Deepa Sankar, Clinical Psychologist at NMC Specialty Hospital, Dubai, says helicopter parenting prevents a child from developing the belief that ‘I have the potential to manage on my own’.
Transmitting cultural values
According to Dr Sankar, parenting practises around the world share three major goals: Ensuring children’s health and safety, preparing children for life as productive adults and transmitting cultural values.
“A high-quality parentchild relationship is critical for healthy development,” she said. “Parental involvement is related to many positive child outcomes, but if not developmentally appropriate, it can be associated with higher levels of child anxiety and depression.”
Parents often become overanxious and worry too much about how they can protect the child from all possible failures and dangers or how they can become perfect parents, but then end up over-controlling the child, over-involving and over-protecting their offspring, Dr Sankar explained.
Referring to an eight-year study in the US by Nicole B. Perry on two- to ten-year-old children on the effects of overcontrolling parents on adjustment in preadolescence, Dr Sankar said the results showed that children with helicopter parents were less able to deal with the challenging demands of growing up, especially with navigating the complex school environment.
“This type of parenting can compromise children’s autonomy and personal growth, leading to underdeveloped coping and life skills, increased anxiety, low self-confidence and low self-esteem,” Dr Sankar said.
Children of over-controlling parents tend to rely on others for guidance and lack belief in their ability to manage themselves under challenging situa- tions, she added. “It also hampers the child’s ability to learn appropriate strategies to manage emotional or socially challenging situations in an independent way.”
Another study done on 297 college students found that helicopter-parented students experienced lower levels of selfefficacy and poorer college adjustment. They also experienced more anxiety and depression while in college than students who didn’t grow up under a helicopter parenting style.
Some parents often become over-anxious and worry too much about how they can protect the child from all possible failures and dangers, or how they can become perfect parents.