WHY DO WE CHASE DIFFICULT DREAMS? WHEN TO LET GO
Overcoming obstacles and making progress brings a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction
Dreams can ignite a passion within us. But what happens when the odds of achieving that dream feel more like a discordant note? Do you still try to turn the tune into a reality?
Some might call this relentless pursuit foolhardy. Others might see it as being filled with determination. Experienced Dubaibased entrepreneurs as well as those who have just launched their business, have varying opinions. “I think, pursuing a dream despite low chances of success reflects determination, rather than stubbornness. It’s about having a clear vision and unwavering belief,” says Della Pass, who started her own coaching, mentoring centre in Dubai. Meanwhile, Natasha Rudasenko, the founder of Dubai-based Health Nag, believes that we create our own luck. “When there is a dream, we find the way. It is not even about a skill or talent, it is about resourcefulness, perseverance, and focus,” she maintains.
On the other hand, Anisha Oberoi, the CEO and founder of Secret Skin, Dubai believes that only a “dogged, stubborn” pursuit of your calling, can help you see parts of yourself that you wouldn’t meet without encountering adversity and defeat. “We put so much at risk to pursue a dream, even if the chances of success are low. If we don’t pursue what we believe to be our calling, what is the point of it all?”
The key word here is risk.
WHY DO WE DREAM OF IMPOSSIBLE THINGS?
For starters, pursuing a dream is a deeply personal journey.
It’s different for each one of us, explains Nusrat Khan, a Dubaibased clinical psychologist at Human Relations Institute & Clinics Dubai. “It reflects our values, beliefs about ourselves and the world around us,” she says. Keeping a dream, a vision in mind is what gives our lives a meaning and purpose, even if it seems rather distant.
As she explains, it is a mix of perseverance and optimism. This optimism is mingled with a sense of excitement: A desire to translate a vision into a reality, adds Tanya Unni, who founded her own skincare company in Dubai. It’s what pushes them forward, as well. “The excitement stems from manifesting a vision into reality, defining success not solely by monetary gain but by the actualisation of their dreams. For them, this realisation serves as the ultimate purpose, leading to a deep-seated satisfaction,” she says.
The very act of striving for something difficult can be deeply rewarding, for people. Overcoming obstacles and making progress brings a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that can’t be replicated by taking the easy route, explains Miriam Mayer, a Dubaibased business psychologist. It pushes you out of your comfort zone, forcing you to take on new challenges, helping you see different parts of yourself that you didn’t know before. There’s a sense of empowerment, every time you take one step ahead.
This determination, belief in chasing a dream, is usually the sign of a healthy individual, adds Khan. “It speaks about their resilience, and determination to expand their capabilities,” she says.
What inspires these seemingly difficult dreams? Well, the reasons could be many, including role models, who have created an impact on you, says Khan. “You hear so many stories when you are growing up, about people achieving the impossible.” This belief begins to seep into a person: If they can do it, why can’t you?
HOW FEAR CAN PUSH YOU FORWARD
Sometimes, fear plays a role, too. Chasing a dream isn’t as romantic as it always sounds. It offers gruelling challenges, hard work, and disappointments. That’s where fear steps in, as Khan points out. Rather letting your fear control it, you can channel it productively.
It can also be fuel for a vision: “People have a fear of not trying enough. They worry about letting others down. The fear of regret, and not pursuing a dream. And many a times, this outweighs the fear of failure. It spurs people into action. They work towards avoiding a negative outcome,” she notes. It sharpens our focus and kicks up our energy a notch, and this heightened state gives us the push to fight through obstacles. The more we overcome a fear, the more empowered we feel. Ironically, it creates a cycle, becoming a stepping stone to achievement.
While these factors act as powerful motivators for one to push forward for their dream, it’s not enough. The psychologists provide some caveats to chasing difficult dreams.
‘YOU CANNOT KEEP RELYING ON HOPE’
Misha Srivastava (name changed on request), a Dubai-based entrepreneur, recalls how her former partner gave up a high-paying accounting job to become a “theatre connoisseur” as he claimed. Everyone praised him for his “reckless” streak. Srivastava also gave up her job of public relations at the time. He had several plans: Writing, producing plays, starting a theatre company, without really knowing what it all entailed. “I didn’t know either, and I was just so enamoured with the thought of doing something with theatre. Yet, just having ‘something’ in your mind isn’t enough; you need to have some amount of clarity. You cannot afford to be reckless in such decisions, and I learnt that the hard way. I lost a good job, for nothing — and for not doing my own research, and listening to someone else,” she recalls.
You need to approach your visions with a sense of realism, without giving up the optimism, says Khan.
Don’t keep determinedly walking down a difficult path, compromising your finances, well-being, especially when the external factors are not in your favour.
“The journey to success is often romanticised and misunderstood. It’s not stubbornness or recklessness that is required when pursuing a dream. It’s being practical and realistic. Taking feedback, listening to people — assessing what works for you, and what doesn’t. You cannot gamble the important things of your life away, mindlessly. If you are putting finances, your well-being, as well others time and effort into it, you need to take full stock and accountability of the situation,” explains Mayer.
A COMMUNITY EFFORT, SOMETIMES
Sometimes, along with a sense of realism, it’s also the love, support and honest feedback of people that can keep you grounded in your vision. Often, it does help to keep the fears and doubts in check. Shatha Almutawa, director of the Dubai-based Kutubna Cultural Center, navigated different difficult dreams throughout her life. After becoming a respected professor and scholar abroad — a job that many would aspire for — she changed the course of her life after returning to the UAE to raise her children. And so, she found a new world for herself and created an independent bookstore and cultural centre.
It wasn’t an easy journey to start something new entirely, but as Almutawa mentions, it was also the support of the people around her that kept her pursuing her dream, along with her own grit and resilience.
We put so much at risk to pursue a dream, even if the chances of success are low. If we don’t pursue what we believe to be our calling, what is the point of it all?” Anisha Oberoi | CEO and founder of Secret Skin
People have a fear of not trying enough. They worry about letting others down. The fear of regret, and not pursuing a dream. And many a times, this outweighs the fear of failure. It spurs people into action.” Nusrat Khan | Clinical psychologist
Shatha Almutawa, who navigated different difficult dreams throughout her life, highlights the importance of both personal determination and the support of others in pursuing one’s dreams.
WHEN DO YOU LET GO OF A DIFFICULT DREAM?
As Mayer says, while it’s subjective, a person needs to take several factors into account: Their well-being, their drive, what they consider their success rate, and of course, finances, if need be. “You need to ask yourself several questions: Do you still see yourself going forward? Have you come far from where you started?”
If that initial fire has died, and the challenges seem insurmountable, ask yourself, if continuing is bringing you joy or progress.
Mayer lays down some points to consider:
■ Stagnation and lack of progress: If you’ve been consistently putting in effort but haven’t seen any meaningful progress for a significant amount of time, it’s worth re-evaluating.
Impact on well-being: If the stress and pressure of pursuing your dream are negatively impacting your life, it might be time to reprioritise.
■ Not aligned with values: Sometimes, upon closer examination, we realise the dream we’re chasing doesn’t truly align with our core values or who we want to be. This can be a difficult truth to face, but acknowledging it allows you to pursue something more authentic.
She also adds that letting go doesn’t have to be a complete ending. There are just different ways to approach it:
■ Shift focus: Redirect your energy towards a different aspect of the original dream.
■ A break: Sometimes a temporary break can reignite your passion or give you a new perspective.
And finally, sometimes it’s best to find closure. “Acknowledge the effort you put in and allow yourself to grieve the loss of the dream. Be honest with yourself, about your motivations, progress, and wellbeing,” she adds.