A Very Modern Role Model

En­tre­pre­neur and celebrity style in­sider Carla DiBello on fac­ing the truth, tak­ing back power, and feel­ing the fear but do­ing it any­way

Harper's Bazaar (Arabia) - - Arabia Bazaar -

One of the great­est re­al­i­sa­tions I ever had was that dif­fi­cult prob­lems in life can al­ways be ad­dressed by break­ing them down and re­vis­it­ing ev­ery­thing you’ve ever taken for granted. After all, ev­ery­thing from our cog­ni­tion to our emo­tions, to our per­cep­tion of the world around us all stem from ex­pec­ta­tions about how this world and re­al­ity work. I think fear is a re­ally good ex­am­ple of this. It’s a ba­sic emo­tion that we’ve all ex­pe­ri­enced, that fun­da­men­tally comes from a place of preser­va­tion. Fear is meant to pro­tect us. It’s a base warn­ing that there is a po­ten­tial threat and that we need to be wary. Yes, some­times fear is es­sen­tial, but more of­ten than not, it can also limit us and be our big­gest en­emy.

When I look back on a time that I felt fear the most, it was usu­ally right be­fore I was about to take a huge risk. I was ter­ri­fied of mov­ing to LA aged 18 with­out know­ing a soul. I also re­mem­ber my heart pound­ing on my first day work­ing at Wynn Las Ve­gas. There I was, a young girl from Sara­sota, Florida, sud­denly sit­ting at a desk with authen­tic Pi­casso paint­ings on my of­fice walls and a job ti­tle I had only dreamed about years be­fore. I also re­mem­ber my hands shak­ing as I booked the one-way ticket to Dubai that started an en­tirely new life for me here.

In ev­ery sit­u­a­tion, I could have lis­tened to that ini­tial fear that threat­ened to take over my en­tire body and make my de­ci­sions for me. But for some rea­son, I chose to sup­press it and take the risk, even though I knew I was in for a host of new chal­lenges. And now look­ing back, I re­alise that those mo­ments where I felt fear and chose to ig­nore it were some of the most pow­er­ful mo­ments of my life.

One of the key el­e­ments to self-work is con­stant re-ex­am­i­na­tion of what you think you al­ready know. There is a se­ries of four ques­tions that I love that was de­vel­oped by au­thor and thought-leader By­ron Katie. For any as­sump­tion, thought, or fear, you ask your­self these ques­tions in or­der:

‘Is it true?’

‘Can you ab­so­lutely know it’s true?’

‘How do you re­act, or what hap­pens, when you be­lieve that thought?’

‘Who would you be with­out the thought?’

I love these ques­tions be­cause they force us to re­assess ev­ery­thing from our un­der­stand­ing of re­al­ity to how that per­cep­tion shapes up – and how it re­lates to our iden­tity and ego. It also al­lows us to see that most things are big­ger than us. And that real­is­ing that we don’t know ev­ery­thing (or any­thing for sure), is the big­gest power we could ever give our­selves. Some­times things don’t go the way we want them to go, but it’s usu­ally for a good rea­son. And some­times, we have to over­ride what we are feel­ing to be­come big­ger than we al­ready are.

Next year is start­ing to look like a very big year for me, both ca­reer-wise and per­son­ally. And with op­por­tu­ni­ties come chal­lenges. I’m look­ing for­ward to tun­ing in even more pre­cisely on when to lis­ten to my gut and when to over­ride my fear and take the risk.

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