So if 2014 was the year of deep- tech house monotony, as many clubs opening as closing ( are investors really that myopic out here) and increasing competition and dwindling crowds, here are my predictions for 2015.
More ‘ glamorous, Instagram- perfect’ beach clubs will open. Half will close as punters realize Dhs500 for a sunbed, a lukewarm beer and the ambience of a morgue don’t quite add up.
Dubai’s clubs will finally embrace commercialism ( ha).
More ‘ festivals’ will pop up overnight. NB definition of festival being more than one act.
Enough Champagne will be sprayed – not drunk – to actually solve the world’s water shortage. And people will actually laugh and pay for the privilege.
The Angry Monkey will have a hernia from all the inane, brain- defying rubbish that Dubai’s clubbers, promoters, DJs and fans will spew forth. And I’ll secretly love every second of it. Bring it on f*** wits!