Emirati women Embrace abandoned kids
An increasing number of single Emirati women is looking to adopt and the only problem is that demand is outweighing the number of abandoned children placed in Dubai’s adoption programme
dubai — Almost a third of those looking to adopt a child in Dubai are single, middle-aged Emirati women.
Community Development Authority y (CDA) Family Development Department di-rector Dr Huda Al Suwaidi said about 30 perer cent of the people applying to adopt abandoned children through the CDA’s adoption on programme Embrace were Emirati women.
The group is the second highest profile group looking to adopt, behind married couples who are unable to have their own children.
Al Suwaidi said generally these women were single, never-married, about 50 years old, and career-focused. This development pinpointed by the Embrace programme, introduced about a year ago, represented a positive big step in society, showing that abandoned children — who gain Emirati citizenship and can only be adopted by local families — are welcome in UAE society.
“A single mum previously would never have thought of adopting a child, culturally it (was) not acceptable. A widow oor divorcee might have the courage to ddo it, but now even these women are courageous enough to do it.”
Al Suwaidi said adoption of abandoned children, mainly nowadays the offspring of illegitimate low-income expatriate couples, had been generally accepted by society for a long time, but the Embrace programme represented a formalising of channels, to ensure greater protection of children’s rights.
Last year, three newborn babies were found abandoned in Dubai and placed in the Embrace programme. There has been seven adoptions made through the programme, so far.
The woman behind the Community Development Authority’s (CDA) adoption programme ‘Embrace’ is the picture of a modern, successful Emirati woman. CDA Family Development Department director Dr Huda Al Suwaidi is bright and articulate, frank and passionate, as she talks about the work being done by her staff to deal with the plight of children found abandoned on Dubai’s streets.
“The concept is brave,” she says of the one-year-old adoption programme, introduced to tackle the number of abandoned newborn babies — three by last year’s count. “Previously this issue had stigma because people didn’t want to say that we have abandoned children, but now we are saying it clearly, without fear ... previously there was some abuse — minimal abuse — especially of the ones that are abandoned, but nowadays they are there in the public; people know about them.”
While conventional adoption is prohibited under Sharia Law, couples are encouraged to foster abandoned children as their guardians. When asked if there has been tension in introducing the programme as a formal acknowledgement of the indirect form of adoption, she says: “Adoption has never been a new concept. Previously when we were younger, abandoned children were raised with us as part of the family, there was no difference ... they know (where they come from), but no naming and no stigma, as such.”
Embrace was one of the measures to come out of the high-profile murder of 8-year-old Emirati girl Wadeema, who died at the hands of her abusive parents in May 2012, aimed at protecting the rights of the child. Previously, there was no clarity around the legality of taking in abandoned children, and no formal channels to do so, leading to confusion.
“(Earlier, if) you found a baby, you kept him without telling anyone, and that happened ... At the end of the day, they are living without certification, no documentation ... so we were encouraging people to come forward, and some people really showed up.”
There were several cases of people appearing with children who were “living without existence”, during an amnesty after the Embrace programme was announced.
Al Suwaidi says it is important to ensure children are getting proper access to education and healthcare, but in cases where families hid abandoned children, 90 per cent were not going to school. “There are so many rights they were being deprived of by this.”
This backdoor adoption has now been replaced by a system that ensures some certainty and protection. Through Embrace, children found abandoned are taken into safe houses called ‘Alternative Family Villas’, run by foster parents. They are given an identity, citizenship, and, once preliminary procedures are completed, placed with a new family.
In 2012 and 2013, seven children were formally adopted, including the three abandoned newborn babies.
Who are the children?
For most, the idea of abandoning a defenceless newborn seems anathema, but the abundance of such cases around the country indicate that they are not isolated incidents. So where do these children come from?
“By definition (they are abandoned), meaning you don’t know the family.” However, Al Suwaidi says “there are theories”.
The hypothesis is most of the children are the product of illicit relationships between an unmarried couple, expatriates working in the UAE, on low wages. Are these babies possibly the result of a rape? “It might be.”
Al Suwaidi says the orphaned children are a host of different nationalities, but that generally presents no problems. “The UAE is an open community, you have so many locals married to Indians or (other ethinicities)... so we are becoming a
Adoption has never been a new concept. Previously when we were younger, abandoned children were raised with us as part of the family, there was no difference Dr Huda Al Suwaidi
mixture of people; it’s acceptable to have different ethnicities.”
For the mothers of these children, they feel they have little option. “Most of them I think (do this) because culturally in their country they cannot go back with a child, and they don’t know what to do. They’re afraid of the burden of having children and being deported from the country ... or the stigma of having an illegal child.”
Sadly, sometimes the babies aren’t just abandoned. “We do see cases of women getting rid of their children by ... killing them. Okay, it happens, don’t correct the mistake by another mistake, that’s the message I want to send to those women who get pregnant ... go home and raise (the child) the way you like.”
Al Suwaidi makes a plea to mothers in distress: “I don’t want to encourage giving (your child) to us but it’s better than killing him or doing something wrong. Though we are open now to saying the number and this (phenomenon) exists ... it’s not something we’re proud of; we don’t want to encourage it, but it’s the best solution under the circumstances.”
She says the CDA can give guidance to women who are pregnant under the assurance of confidentiality. “No one is going to judge them, we’re the social sector, we’re not the police or court. Nobody’s going to deport them even.”
In fact, the department does not involve police in any cases other than child abuse. But there are strict requirements around which children can go through the Embrace programme.
“There are two categories we are now facing. The abandoned children are by definition those who are found in Dubai with no known parents. The problem which we are facing now (is in some cases) we know the mother who left the child. Those (babies) will not be categorised as abandoned children as the mother is known. Those are the difficult cases, the mother is Indian or Filipino or whatever ... the child does not have the right to have the passport because they’re not, by definition, ‘abandoned’.”
In this situation, the CDA will approach the embassy of the child’s mother’s nationality, and ask them to issue the child a passport. “Preferably, we would like to send them back to their own country to be raised as their own nationality.”
Another tricky issue is the remergence of the biological mother after a child has lived with his adoptive family for a period of time — five or six years in some cases. “In this case, the law allows them to take him back ... It is awful, but she is the natural, biological mother. It is difficult situation, but at the end of the day, you cannot deprive a biological mother (of her child) by law.”
CDA’s very first adoption is a case in point: A six-month-old boy’s mother turned up after her son had been with his new family for about a month. “... The child had to leave ... but thankfully there are not many cases.”
Who are the foster parents?
The majority of parents are married couples who are unable, for one reason or another, to bear their own children. Surprisingly though, the second highest category — at 30 per cent — are single Emirati women, followed by families who already have children but want more.
“We’ve done a study about marriage and the delay in marriage. There is about 40 per cent of Emirati women who are never married or marry late ... those people, instead of waiting for the right guy to come, build their own family.”
This is momentous social change by the lights of any culture. Al Suwaidi says the general profile of these women is single, never married, about 50-years old and career-focused. “A single mum previously would never have thought of adopting a child, culturally it (was) not acceptable. A widow or divorcee might have the courage to do it, but now even these women are courageous enough to do it ... It’s a big step, definitely a positive one ... it says our community is accepting these children.”
There is a tough vetting process for candidates, with a designated committee investigating every aspect of their lives, including private, financial and personal. “At the end of the day, it’s our responsibility to find a proper family ... We’re asking them for social, psychological (and) even financial status to make sure they are capable of raising these children and bringing them up to be young Emiratis.”
There is an important caveat though: Only Emiratis can be considered as adoptive parents, something clearly enshrined in the 2012 law. “All the children who are found as abandoned are considered local. That’s the demand of them being raised by a local family ... because we want to raise them with a sense of being Emirati.”
That means the child becomes an Emirati citizen. “As we’ve said, it’s not his fault, we don’t blame him for his mum and dad’s mistakes, so he should have the right to be raised Emirati and to have the right ... to be treated equally to his siblings.”
The parents or parent must also be making a minimum of Dh10,700 per month, though there is additional support given through social welfare for single mothers who need it. The financial requirements are generally attainable though, Al Suwaidi says.
There are currently about 15 candidates on the waiting list hoping to grow their families by one, while only two youngsters in the Alternative Family Villa. “They’re calling me: ‘Doctor, we’re waiting, you didn’t call us’, and they’re upset. I say ‘What ... do (I do)?”
Asked if she supports overseas adoption options, Al Suwaidi says: “We don’t either encourage or discourage this; this comes under international adoption, we are dealing with local adoption only, (but) why not? As long as its legal, not trafficking, why not? There are so many misfortunate children all over the world — orphans or children of war.”