Cut mumbo-jumbo from your CV to get hired
The Cover Letter of a CV is expected to make the HR person or the hiring manager sit up and take notice. It should have sufficient firepower to stop the recipient from reaching for the Delete key. In reality, however, most Cover Letters are so atrociously written that the delete key seems to be the only way to put the recipient out of his misery. Justified mercy-killing, so to say.
Not that I have anything against job applicants or job-seekers. All of us, at some point in time, slip into that rocky territory. What beats me is that even some of the most qualified and employable candidates write Cover Letters that either send you into splits, or make you grind your teeth in horror at the way the English language is mauled, mutilated and slaughtered.
Take a look at this Cover Letter I got in my Inbox recently: “I wisely wish to attend the interview for the successive position you offer for my career growth. If I am selected after the satisfactory interview, I assure you, I shall discharge my duties up to the entire satisfaction of the Management...A new challenging atmosphere will avenue me to acquire more knowledge and improvise my long time career objectives.”
Now, what management in its senses would take a chance on a candidate whose language is so convoluted and disjointed?
Here is another one: “You will find that my skills and abilities are not limited to the aforementioned qualities. Furthermore you will find me to be wellspoken, energetic, confident and amiable, the type of person who will fit well into your organisation. My versatility will allow you place me in a number of contexts with confidence that the level of excellence you expect will be met. Please refer to my CV for further additional information.”
Can’t you stop making your CV sound like a legal document written by a robotic lawyer? Seriously, should you be using words like ‘aforementioned’ and ‘furthermore’ in this age? Get real, buddy.
Today’s so-called millennials, who are supposed to be wizards at everything, don’t seem to realise that the days of ‘bureaucratic jargon’ or ‘babu’ English have ended
Or take this gem: “I, Praveen sp, presently associated with M/s so-and-so Bank, Dubai – UAE since FEBRUARY 2015 to date working as Processing Assistant/ Clerk in Clearing & Payment Department and having an overall work experience of over 7 years in Banking Sector...”
How on earth can one employ a person whose Cover Letter sounds like a solemn oath before a judge?
Mind you, these are all real examples of CVs that I received in my Inbox in recent weeks.
Here is another: “I would greatly appreciate your team to hear my view point on the suitability to this position through an interview process. For more insights into my profile, kindly view my CV enclosed.”
Forget it, brother. No sane recruiter would waste his or her time in calling you for an interview if you write such mumbo-jumbo.
There was another CV which concluded on this mysterious and ominous note: “I hope that you will find my experience and interests intriguing enough to warrant a call, as I am confident that I can provide value to your organisation as a potential employee.” I am certainly intrigued, pal, but not interested. The situation has been exacerbated by the emergence of the so-called professional CV writing companies that have developed templates which are routinely recycled, with Cover Letters that read like the Magna Carta.
The message is clear. Today’s so-called millennials, who are supposed to be wizards at everything, don’t seem to realise that the days of ‘bureaucratic jargon’ or ‘babu’ English have ended. Why are they still using phrases and words that were grandly used by their grandfathers? Get to the point, mate. Use simple modern conversational language. This is no place for Dickensian prose or Wordsworthian poetry here.
Have pity on the harassed HR guys. Get to the point, and you may just get a call for an interview.
— The author is a Dubai-based freelance writer