Are you committing the biggest faux pas in social etiquette?
dubai — Have you ever entered into a conversation without actually being invited? Or addressed an acquaintance by their first name, without being given permission to do so? If you answered yes to any of the above, then you’ve committed some of the biggest faux pas in etiquette.
That’s according to Gloria Starr, etiquette coach to the stars, including the Dubai royal family. For Starr, the rules of etiquette are quite simple: “Good manners are essential”.
Starr has been the queen of etiquette for more than 30 years now, and her journey began while living on an isolated dairy farm in Canada, more than 50 miles from the nearest town.
“My father was a builder, my mother a nature photographer with National Geographic. As a teenager, I wanted to attend a Finishing School but my parents did not think etiquette and manners were important,” she tells Khaleej Times.
But in what could be deemed an act of rebellion from the real life ‘my fair lady’, she decided to follow her passion as an adult and attended etiquette classes.
“What a wonderful subject it was. I became so passionate about etiquette, manners and civility that I added these elements to my established image and became a consultant.”
The many faces of etiquette
If you look the word etiquette up in the dictionary, it will be defined as the “customary code of polite behaviour in society”.
But for Starr, etiquette spans a wide range of streams including table manners, the social graces, dating, compliment giving, and voice tonality and modulation. And if she could sum it up in one phrase, it would be: “Showing kindness and respect for the differences in people and cultures”.
“Basically, there are etiquette and manners guidelines for every interaction and the etiquette varies from culture to culture,” she said.
Over the years, people from all walks of life have approached Starr with an eagerness to try their hand at etiquette and manners training, from everyday people who want to improve the quality of their lives, to those already in the spotlight.
“I’ve coached Destiny’s Child, professional athletes, presidents of companies and countries, people from the Pentagon, and members of the royal families in Dubai and Saudi Arabia. I am always surprised by who hires me.”
When it comes to the elephant in the room, Starr was straightforward in pointing out the absolute ‘don’t’ when it comes to social etiquette. And if you’re someone who enjoys a good healthy debate about politics at the dinner table, you may need to rethink your strategy.
“Inappropriate conversations at the table such as politics, religion, gossip, and money, are some of the biggest faux pas here. Additionally, addressing people by their first name prior to receiving approval or barging into a conversation without permission is not following the etiquette.”
In many cases, etiquette is all about common sense, such as chewing with your mouth closed. But an egregious error made in today’s digital age is taking a phone call during a meal or in a meeting.
“Simply put the phone on vibrate or excuse yourself; that’s all it takes,” she said.