Technology has hijacked my kid and I miss ‘speaking’ to her

Is your kid distant and unengaged? Vocalising only yes, no and hmm? With that smartphone in their hands, parents find that the only way to talk to their kids is to text

There is a long list of lectures that I never have to prepare for when I am talking to my daughter, because that sort of thing comes naturally to all mothers. The point is not whether my lecture is ready when needed — but is my child ready to listen to it or not?

Lately, I have been stonewalled. I go on with my daily instructions or even a face-to-face chat with my teen and all I get in response is a slight nod, an occasional grunt and a zoned-out gaze that settles on me for a few seconds and moves on rapidly according to the movement of her thumb, which is scrolling over her smart phone. Once the phone is down, I look into her eyes and ask, “Done?” “What? Did you ask me do something? No, I don’t think you said anything? You’re bluffing, mom.” I shake my head in frustration and repeat myself. I have found a solution. I sit next to her and we now chat whenever we want. Now, you may say that’s a breakthrough and why am I complaining… but hold your horses.

Our chats are what a mom and daughter’s talk should be about. Full of hearts and smiles and hugs, angry faces, frowns and what not. The problem is that these emotions are all virtual.

We chat over social media now and she responds more like I would like her to, in reality. But for now, my love, instructions, anger are getting through to her via text and emoticons. Basically, technology has hijacked my child and this was not quite what I had planned. For those of us who have grown up without the help of technology, we know very well that reality is very different from the virtual world.

The growing prevalence of electronic media has influenced the emotional, moral, and social development of children and also had an effect on their psychological and mental health.

The constant dependence on gadgets has affected her mood and general attitude towards life too, I feel. A survey done last year by Ajman’s Gulf Medical College University (GMCU) amongst schoolgoing children, confirms my fears.

The study was conducted on 343 students of grades 7, 8, and 9, which is the same age as my child. Results: Among the excessive phone users, 39.7 per cent had a ‘good attitude’ and 60.3 per cent a ‘bad attitude’.

Among the excessive users of mobile phones and tablets, 90.6 per cent and 87 per cent students said they would react (be sad, angry, or anxious) if their mobile device was taken away from them. Anger was found to be the most common reaction among the participants.

Not only that, a study done between 2010 and 2016 in a US-wide survey showed that the number of adolescents who experienced at least one major depressive episode leapt by 60 per cent. The survey done amongst 17,000 children in 2016 found that 13 per cent of them had a major depressive episode compared to eight per cent of the kids surveyed in 2010.

Suicide deaths among young people aged 10 to 19 have also risen sharply, according to data from the US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention. Experts opine that this increase is huge, and in fact, unprecedented.

In a peer review study done by Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, to appear later in the year in the journal Clinical Psychological Science, shows that after 2010, teens who spent more time on new media were more likely to report mental health issues than those who spent time on non-screen activities.

The study collects data between 2010 and 2015 from more than 500,000 adolescents in the US and finds that kids who spent more than three hours or more a day on smartphones or other electronic devices were 34 per cent more likely to suffer at least one suiciderelated outcome, including feeling hopeless or seriously considering suicide — than kids who used devices for two hours or less.

Overall, kids in the study who spent low amounts of time engaged in in-person social interaction but high amounts of time on social media were the most likely to be depressed.

These studies, even though the authors are quick to point out that they are inconclusive, have left me even more worried. Even though I feel I should have a solution as a parent, I admit, I’m clueless. I am a firm believer that the more restrictions you place on a child, the more severely they will react and probably be more attracted to whatever they have been stopped from. This is just my observation and I’m sure other parents draw their own conclusions.

All I have understood is that clearly defined rules should always be in place. So I speak with my teen every day — through social media, the only medium she seems to understand right now — and tell her how disconnected she is becoming from reality and the family.

I pont out the the side effects technology is having on her and I can see that she is beginning to understand. I want her to be able to control technology and not be controlled by it — tech is here to stay.

I can already see her understanding this approach and taking tiny steps towards it. Until that time, I’ll keep talking to her through any medium that can make my voice reach out to her.