Am I the only one who didn’t watch The Royal Wedding?
When I woke up last Saturday — the day of THE wedding — I’d forgotten that Meghan Markle was getting married to Prince Harry (I mean, how am I supposed to remember? They are neither friends nor family members). My 11am tea lounging while watching the remaining part of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was rudely interrupted when a friend called to ask me if I’d be interested in “taking part” in the “celebrations”. “Celebrations? What celebrations?” “Harry and Meghan are getting married!” she squealed. “We [she and half-a-dozen others] are having an afternoon show: live telecast from Windsor Chapel on a 64-inch full HD television, and a trolley [to be wheeled in, doilies and all] topped with pots of Earl Grey teabags steeping inside… and English muffins [she’s good at baking]… I may throw in some cucumber sandwiches too — you know, the ones with the crusts removed. We may even be flying the Union Jack because a couple of my friends are British.”
“OMG, today’s THE wedding!” I exclaimed. “Had quite slipped my mind. But you know what? Think I’ll give the afternoon soiree a slip. Will miss your muffins though — and the crust-less sandwiches!” And I went back to watching Brad Pitt de-age.
Right before Brad regressed into infancy, I got an excited alert on WhatsApp from my neighbour: “Any guesses as to what Meghan will be wearing for her wedding ???? ” “None whatsoever,” I wrote back. “Gosh, I could barely sleep last night!” she continued. “Do you want to come over to my place and watch the wedding with me? Husband’s travelling as usual [rolling eyes emoji].”
“Would have loved to, but have already committed to another party! [Sad face emoji, sad face emoji, sad face
emoji — three in a row. Wish you’d told me earlier !!!! ”] A few hours later, after a very non-English lunch, when I was toying with the idea of an afternoon snooze, my WhatsApp (which I check on reflex every waking half a minute — it’s a bad habit, I know) started getting flooded with myriad observations by suddenly-evolved wedding trackers. Looked like everyone I know, my entire WhatsApp community (from all over the world, inhabiting ridiculously diverse time zones), was clued in to the proceedings. WhatsApp suddenly became a platform for live commentaries — and analyses. Soon, I was in the crossfire of an exchange (among members of one of the countless WA groups that jostle for my attention); “The dress looks bargain basement! What a blah dress! Goes with her blah personality!” one typed, while the second countered with “such elegance and simplicity, loving the dress!”, and the third piped in with, “totally digging Bishop Michael Curry — he’s too cool”, and the fourth commented, “Why is Queen Elizabeth looking so grumpy?”
I have another friend who’s been holidaying in London. “Don’t tell me you’re going there for the Meghan-Harry wedding!” — I’d sent him that line alongside expostulatory emojis on WhatsApp (what else?) when he set out for Heathrow from Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport two weeks ago.
“No way!” he responded. “I’m hoping to catch up with an old flame, and convince her that maybe we should get married.”
“Oh, attaboy!” I sent him the customary thumbs up emoji.
It was time to exchange notes with this gent. “Are you watching the wedding or are you catching up with old flame?” I WhatsApped him.
“Well, like I told you, I was hoping to convince her we’re meant to be together, but she’s more intent on watching the wedding… I’m having to give her company in front of the telly… and yes, we’re having an English roast and Yorkshire pudding for lunch”, followed by “Can’t wait to catch the return flight back home to Mumbai… alone!”
I had to ease out of WhatsApp to check an incoming mail sent to me by the PR of the brand that designed Meghan’s wedding dress. Next, I decided to check out my Facebook feed. Almost everyone was waxing eloquent on The Wedding (with the notable exception of one friend who was spending a day at the zoo with her son). One FB-ite posted how she was “tearing up” at the sight of Meghan and Harry together since they seemed to be “so much in love”. “Beautiful, just beautiful, reaffirms my faith in love stories… this is a fairy tale alright! #TrueLove.”
The world is a violent place these days, someone else posted, so it’s life-affirming when one sees love being given pride of place. #LoveIsAllWeNeed.
Meanwhile on WhatsApp, someone was pinging me furiously: “Sush, what are your thoughts on the wedding?” “I’m not watching,” I said smugly. “Goodness, you must be the only one not watching — the whole world is watching!”
That suddenly made me feel very good — and very exclusive. Almost like royalty.
My WhatsApp was flooded with observations by suddenly-evolved wedding trackers. Everyone was clued in to the proceedings. Soon, I was in the crossfire of an exchange; “The dress looks bargain basement!” vs “Loving the dress! Such elegance and simplicity”