I started keeping a diary when I moved to Dubai and it helped

My journal entry from June 1, 2010:

“That guy is still in love with me. He keeps saying he wants to marry me. Why in the world would I do that? I was probably so bored with my life back then, which is why I dated him”

I wrote that when I was 17-years-old, and clearly a borderline narcissist.

I was reading one of my old journals and was struck by how much I’ve matured. My sister feels that point is debatable, but as a self-proclaimed narcissist, I would like to think I’m right.

I have been journaling since 2009. And writing as a 16-year-old, I consider most of it drivel — boyfriend drama and fights with friends and family. Those memories seem silly now, but back when I was cursed with a teenage brain and hormones, it felt like the apocalypse was upon me.

When I re-read entries from my old journal, I barely recognise the author. She was lost, deeply unhappy and trying to find her purpose in life. I could blame the unstable environment that poisoned my home back then. In retrospect, a more positive attitude towards overcoming those obstacles would’ve defined a stronger character, a trait I would’ve liked to possess when I was a teen. But whoever this person was who wrote those cringe-worthy entries, it’s definitely not me anymore.

I was very angry with my parents and our circumstances back then, which I assume is what inspired me to fill my journal pages with hateful and unhappy thoughts. They had made us move back to Dubai from Texas in my junior year of high school, forcing me to leave behind my childhood friends, and miss my upcoming graduation. It felt like the end of the world.

On May 19, 2010 (there’s even the time — 7:16am), I wrote: “As excited I am for my graduation day today, I still don’t feel the true kind of excitement. I still wish I was graduating with my best friends. I’m happy I’m here with my new friends but it just won’t be the same.”

I remember my high school graduation in Dubai. I have fond memories of that day. I just wish I had enjoyed it more. In fact, I was so upset I didn’t even attend my senior prom.

One pattern I did notice in my journal, however, was how I kept mentioning my desire to be a journalist. School and university was far too easy for me (make way, please — narcissism coming through, again). I wanted a challenge.

Fast forward to my last journal entry, September 29, 2017. I wrote: “Today, it’s been exactly four years since I started my career in the newspaper industry. It’s been an amazing journey so far, I can’t complain. But, to be honest, it still feels like the beginning. There’s so much more I can accomplish.”

They seem like two different people, right? Even though the last time I journaled was nearly one year ago, the entries still reflect the person I am now more accurately. I’m ambitious, driven and want success. I thank higher powers for not making teenage years last for an eternity. I should be thankful, though because those experiences have shaped me into the person I am today.

Oh, and by the way, I’m now engaged to that guy from my journal entry back in June 1, 2010 who kept telling me that he was in love with me, wanted to marry me, and who I had then turned down.

When I re-read entries from my old journal, I barely recognise the teen author. She was lost, deeply unhappy and missed her friends in Houston... I was very angry with my parents