‘Women are speaking up now because others are listening’
Vinta Nanda opens up about her experience with Alok Nath and why she chose to speak out now
At the peak of the #MeToo movement that has shaken the entertainment and media industries in India, a searing account recently went viral. In an elaborate Facebook post on Monday, television writer and producer Vinta Nanda wrote a gut-wrenching account in which she alleged that her colleague and then best friend’s husband Alok Nath had brutalised her on at least two occasions. The actor, meanwhile, has gone on record to deny the allegations. In a conversation with Vinta talks about why the decision to speak up during the peak of #MeToo movement in India was a now or never moment.
How has the recent catharsis been?
I am in the midst of it right now. The weight is off my shoulders, and I am feeling much lighter. This morning, I woke up wondering whether I’d done the right thing. It’s going to be a little bit of back and forth for the next few days. I would imagine this is what a catharsis is made of – a mixed bag. It’s just been a few days and I kept watching the #MeToo movement unfold in India and witnessed younger women come out. At the same time, I work for gender rights and that was actually beginning to make me feel extremely hypocritical – on one hand, I would talk about equality, on the other, I was carrying something that needed to be let out. Having done so, I feel cleansed. Yesterday, when I was under the shower, I felt as though I was truly cleaning myself for the first time. So, the catharsis then was more physical in nature. It was something that I’d been carrying with me for 20 years.
In your account, you mention that the said actor would routinely misbehave. Why was there a collective silence if the actor had been a nuisance?
There is a boy’s club and that was worse in those days. The atmosphere was such that we were made to believe this was normal. One guy was misbehaving and none of the others thought it was right, and yet they wouldn’t go against him because they were buddies. As recently as day before yesterday, a friend of mine called me up and said, “I am glad you have come out and said all this, but if push comes to shove, even I will support him.” There’s a part of us that still believes he’s a man and it’s his right to do so. When he was misbehaving on the set, we had many men, including my then partner Raman Kumar, who took a stand against him. We asked him to leave the show. To that end, action was taken, but there were other elements and systems in place that enabled him to trouble us further.
What sort of apathy did you face in the immediate aftermath of the incident? When it came out then, I don’t have a memory of even a single soul coming out to me and acknowledging that they had read something. They just decided to stay silent. At the same time, when I’d knock on a door, asking for work, I’d be told, “Yeah, we would like to work with you,” but I never got any work. Despite a successful career and delivering hit shows, that was the outcome of me coming out.
Hours before you wrote the post, you had written another post on your Facebook page about abuse but said that you would rather fictionalise it because your mother was apprehensive about you making it public. What made you change your mind in those few hours? Nothing changed. The previous post was written after I told my mother that I wanted to come out, but she said, “Let’s not go through this again.” But if you read the comments on that previous post, everyone was like, ‘don’t be silly’, ‘we will support you’, ‘just come out’. So, that was one of the things that gave me the push. The other thing that happened was that the head of CINTAA had taken a strong position on the Tanushree Dutta case. I was quite moved; in fact, that is what triggered me to do it. I also made it graphic because I didn’t want to be seen as a victim. I didn’t want to be not named or have my photo blurred. My thought was if I am coming out, let me come out with absolute confidence, and ensure that the man who did it needs saving, and not me. I wanted to tell the world what he did.
You talk about sinking into depression following this incident...
While all this was happening, I still had to make a living. I wasn’t getting work, so I had to do whatever alternate stuff I could in order to keep earning money. In retrospect, I give a lot of credit to this need to earn and survive; it’s like an antidote that helps you deal with depression. Family was supportive, so were friends. But emotionally, I was broken. I would take substances just to feel normal. It was a mixed bag.
Looking back, do you feel the healing process could have come earlier?
If there was an enabling environment, perhaps this incident would not have happened at all. Today, he wouldn’t have perhaps dared to do it, (or) the friends would have stopped him. But then the fact is, it happened and I was made to deal with it. The guy just kept getting better and better work and I just kept getting more and more isolated.
In your account, you talk about being violated by the actor again. I noticed the phrase you used was ‘I went to allow him to violate me’.
This was also the reason I kept quiet for very long, because anybody would say, “Why did you go back to meet your rapist?” Nobody understood the fact that he was threatening me, and I was working in a place where he was more powerful than me, and I needed that job. So, I felt compelled to go back to my rapist and allow him to violate me again. I wanted to articulate it the way it happened. It’s a very fine point that people often tend to miss out on. We don’t understand the power play if we don’t articulate it correctly. I have noticed people blame a woman, saying, “Oh, she was the one hanging around him all the time.” Do they take into account a very basic fact that she might just need the job and that she might be hanging around him because he has bargained with her? At that time, if I were to quit the job, where would I go?
Why come out now? That is a question most victims find themselves answering. Why is there an apprehension about retrospective justice?
People think it’s revenge, and there is also a perception that everyone who is coming out in this environment is perhaps doing so for publicity. The basic fact is that people are speaking up now because others are listening. If a woman comes out a day after she’s been raped, even she will be asked, ‘why now?’ Look at the trauma she’s made to go through. It’s a pathetic state of affairs we are living in.
The actor in question has come out with a statement that is ambiguously worded. What are your thoughts on it? When I came out, I was very sure that he would not say, “Yes, I did it.” He would definitely skirt it. But I don’t have a doubt that I have the absolute industry support because I am not the only one he’s done this to. He’s misbehaved and done worse things to other people. They may not be speaking up for their own reasons, but I know I have their tacit support. The industry knows him well enough.
You have also spoken at length about how social media has healed you. What sort of future does it have in India?
You can see a revolution take place. Social media helped me stare back in the face of my perpetrator, who thought they were done and dusted with me. Had Facebook and Twitter not come in 2005-06, I would be finished. I would not be seen or heard anymore. Here’s where my perpetrator who wanted to isolate me would have to deal with me every single day. That is the kind of role social media played then. Now, of course, there has been a churning.
Khaleej Times, The weight is off my shoulders, and I am feeling much lighter.” Vinta Nanda
When you live with an incident like this for so long, how does your view of the incident, the perpetrator change?
My primary purpose was to let it out of my system. It was a now-or-never moment. If I did not speak up now, then I would be foolish. I knew I was belling a cat and I knew he’d have to speak. This is not revenge, this is me being selfish in seeking closure and wanting to move on. Now it has to reach its logical end. I am also answerable and accountable to those who have supported me.