Take small steps towards progress, perfection will follow
Perfectionism is an illusion — we believe it makes us better but actually harms us.
I used to struggle to start writing. I fell prey to the ‘firstline-syndrome’ — I fear that, if I couldn’t catch my reader’s attention immediately, they’ll click away. However, the more I tried to find the perfect line, the more I got stuck. That’s the problem with perfectionism — we focus on what’s missing or broken and can’t make progress.
It’s one thing striving to be your best and another it’s trying to be perfect.
The pressure to become better and better has turned into an epidemic. The World Health Organization links severe anxiety disorders to the excessive standards we hold for ourselves.
Perfectionism rarely generates personal satisfaction — we don’t achieve perfection, but disappointment.
Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order — Anne Wilson Schaef
I’m a recovered perfectionist — I still hold my bar high, but I’ve learned to give myself a break. Perfectionism is one of the top organisational neuroses as I explain in my book Stretch for Change — it affects both leaders and teams alike. Based on my research and consulting, most organisations fail to innovate not for lack of ideas but because they don’t launch — overthinking paralyses decision-making.
Clinical psychologist Linda Blair describes a perfectionist as a person: “who strives for flawlessness, for a perfect creation, outcome or performance. They find it difficult to delegate, even if that means neglecting their health, relationships, and wellbeing in pursuit of a ‘perfect’ outcome.”
Perfectionism isn’t bad if you approach it properly. Setting high personal standards and working hard toward those is a good thing. However, there’s a dark side to always aiming high — perfectionism is turning into an unhealthy habit.
Perfectionism is used by people as a shield to protect themselves against the pain of being vulnerable — they don’t want to be blamed or judged by others.
Setting the bar high can cloud our judgement — everything feels wrong according to our standards. That’s why therapists and coaches know that asking people to lower their bar is pointless — they will ignore their advice. If you want to defeat perfectionism, you must understand and address the issues behind this increasing obsession. A study called Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time found that young people are more burdened than ever.
Unhealthy perfectionism has surged, leading to eating disorders, depression, high blood pressure and thoughts of suicide. This is caused by a mix of excessively high personal standards and intense self-criticism.
The pressure to appear flawless is driven by the fear of failure, but also our desire to be loved and admired.
Our need to please others has reached a new high, too. We hold up perfectionists as models more than ever before. Social media has become a space to pursue and achieve perfection — the more likes you get, the closer you are to feeling perfect.
Increasingly, young people hold irrational standards for themselves — they create unrealistic expectations for their academic and professional achievements, looks, and possessions. They have bought into the modern myth that their lives, including themselves, should be perfect. Perfectionism is a growing epidemic. Studies among North American teens show that 3 in 10 exhibit some sort of unhealthy perfectionism. It is also life endangering — those with higher scores on perfectionism are more likely to die younger.
Lorne Michaels, the long-time producer of SNL, famously said, “The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.” That helped Tina Fey overcome her fears and perfectionism — the artist realised that perfection is overrated and unattainable. Deadlines also keep us authentic and real — perfect is boring on live television (and life).
Perfectionists tend to postpone difficult tasks — they avoid failing by never launching a project. Procrastination is the result of ineffective emotion-management. We must learn to manage our fears. Taking small, manageable steps reduces anxiety and overthinking.
Shift from trying to be perfect to do the best with what you’ve got. Focus on making progress. Be pragmatic — aim high but seek for meaning in what you do. And if you do fail? A little bit of self-compassion will help you along the way. Eventually, you’ll get used to launch something that’s not perfect. Life goes on because it’s 11:30, not because you are ready.
The pressure to appear flawless is driven by the fear of failure, but also our desire to be loved and admired.