White lies about love will not work

If you’ve ever been lied to by a family member, a close friend, or someone you admired, and you discovered that you’d been lied to, you might understand just how painful the realisation of the lie — not just the truth, itself — can be.

There are times in life when the old saying that the “truth hurts” is actually true. When we find out information about being deceived by someone we care about, we might wish we’d been lied to a little longer. However, there are times when the truth, no matter how painful it might be, is better than a lie.

When you are on the verge of telling a lie, the litmus test of your motivation to tell the lie is found in the purpose of your deception. If you are deceiving another merely to protect yourself, chances are that the lie you’re preparing isn’t in the best interest of the person with whom you’re going to share it.

Prosocial lies, though, are a different breed altogether. If you’re lying to spare others harm or pain, that’s considered prosocial lying. In fact, the desire to appropriately use prosocial lies is often a sign that you’ve got a well-developed sense of empathy. This shows that you are able to choose to act compassionately towards others. When your lies are designed to protect others, not yourself, the justification to use an untruth is a lot more substantial. If you’re lying to keep yourself out of trouble, that’s not exactly a testament to your altruism or kindness.

Lies that are used only to get you what you want, without concern for the wellbeing of another, are seldom justifiable among most people. One falsehood revealed tends to encourage people to look for the next one to be uncovered. Trust is not always easy to earn, but it’s much harder to earn it back once it’s been lost.

There are many “white lies” that crop up in romantic relationships. Perhaps the earliest one to show up might be, “I’ll give you a call…” Even when there’s no intention to ever dial those digits again, some people feel it’s the “right thing” to say after even a bad date. Just don’t say it. You may think that you’re protecting the other person’s feelings by offering this line, but you’re really just trying to “cover” for yourself in the moment. The momentary “save” you tell yourself you’re doing is going to be a lasting bit of resentment in the heart of your recipient.

Another white lie that sometimes shows up is, “Don’t worry, we’re just friends.” This can show up at any point in a relationship and the more you find yourself protesting that “we’re only friends,” the more likely your actions are telling a different story. Finally, we come to the cruelest lie that we might ever tell someone about whom we might actually care . . . “I love you.” There’s a lot to be said for declaring your feelings to the person with whom you are involved. But when you throw out those three words, if they are untrue, you have created the inverse of what an intimate relationship should be.

If you really only want to use the words, “I love you,” as currency to get what you want from your partner, then you’re doing a disservice to your trusting partner, risking your reputation as an ethical individual, and creating a web of deceit . When a lie serves only the liar, it’s deceit plain and simple.

The momentary “save” you tell yourself you’re doing is going to be a lasting bit of resentment in the heart of your recipient