Backchat With Catboy

Our man on the radio shares some festive wisdom

II know lots of you like to imagine me typing these words every December from beside a log fire in my Arctic cabin, surrounded by pine trees and snow, as the aurora borealis twists and turns in the sky above and my elves wait expectantly to make the journey to Media City with a sheet of A4 paper and a basket of my wife’s cinnamon shortbread. It’s a beautiful dream and I’d hate to shatter it for you. But shatter it I must.

I’m actually writing this in the Dubai 92 studio in-between my talkie-bits on the radio. TLC are halfway through that festive classic No Scrubs and it feels about as merry as shopping for new online home insurance in April.

In fact, other than my own growing excitement about the festive season, the only sign that Christmas is just around the corner in the snarky posts on Facebook, warning their ‘friends’ that if we’re ‘even thinking about sticking a Christmas tree up, you know exactly where you can stick it!’ Thanks Scrooge.

I love Christmas. My tree goes up on the 26 November (the day after my birthday), which a lot of people will tell you is too early.

I’m not as crazy as some people you hear about. The ones who put their trees up in September. The ones who have Now That’s What I Call Christmas on repeat in the car. No, I don’t go that far. That said, I have no problem with it. I have no problem with those lunatics who do it the whole year round, like Andy Wilks from Wiltshire in England. Known to his friends as Mr Christmas, Mr Wilks has celebrated Christmas every single day for the last 22 years! And I say more power to his elbow. If that’s his thing, who am I to cast judgment on him. I’d much rather have Wilksy on my friends list than, say, someone who watches the Kardashians unironically.

But, as much as I don’t understand them, I actually don’t even want to judge those.

I’m turning over a new leaf and, as the end of the year is fast approaching, I’m going to call this my New Year’s Resolution – No more judging people.

Let’s face it. We’re all strange in some way. We’ve all got habits that the majority of people might not agree with: smoking, picking your nose, refusing to use your car’s indicators, reading The Daily Mail…

Just think if everyone knew about all your little habits, secrets and peculiarities, what would they actually think about you?

In the words of Thom Yorke: “I’m a freak. I’m a weirdo”. Really. I am! You honestly don’t want to know the skeletons in my closet and I don’t want to know yours. However, if I do find out about them, it won’t change my opinion of you.

So hear this: If you’re not a fan of twinkly lights, Slade and a sevenfoot Santa, just breathe. Count to 10 before you write that negative post. Let’s make the world a better place one less click of nastiness at a time.

Have a great December and we’ll see each other in the New Year.