OUR MAN ON THE RADIO SUFFERS FROM A CHRONIC CASE OF IMS
II’ve been doing a bit of research on what some call the male version of PMS. In case you’re not in the know, it’s IMS, or Irritable Male Syndrome, to give it its full moniker. It has a number of symptoms, but mainly IMS occurs as we approach middle age – sufferers display signs of grumpiness, a misty-eyed longing for the past and a fear and hatred of the future. It rears its ugly head roughly 70 times per day in my life – when bedroom lights are left on; when I play a song on the radio by an artist whose name mainly comprises leftover Scrabble letters; when more than one person replies in the one Whatsapp group chat I have been forcibly told to stay in; when someone mentions any of the Kardashians.
Having read at least two medical websites about IMS this morning, I consider myself quite the expert, but they do seem to be missing a vital symptom: the raging fury at absolutely anything that takes up any of the precious free time we IMS sufferers have.
In the course of my daily reading for the Dubai 92 Breakfast Show, I came across surveys and bits of science that fully support IMS victims. The first being a French ruling at the start of January on employees’ Right To Disconnect, basically meaning if it’s not working hours, you don’t have to read work e-mails, answer workrelated calls or join in with the rest of the cackling hyenas in the company Whatsapp group chat. This is the French saying this. A country already au fait with long lunches and short working weeks. So to them I say, “Vive La France!” The problem is unless we stand as a unified voice on a subject like this, it’s easy to come across as the office grumpy-chops and be daubed with the not-a-team-player brush.
The other piece of research I saw today was the argument for a fourhour working day. Claims were made by lofty intellectuals that if we all went to work and just worked, we could have our work done before lunch and the rest of the day would be ours.
Now think about that for a second. Think about how happy you are when you get a half-day at work. Now imagine leaving work at midday every single day. That’s every afternoon to go to the park with your kids, or to the beach, or a bar. And all you would have to do to achieve it is stop all the extraneous time wasting in the office. So it’d be no more small talk, no more yawning your way through Sandra from Accounting’s holiday photos, no more whip-rounds, card signings and forced birthday platitudes and goodbye to “who’s turn is to make the tea?” and “who brought the biscuits?”
Where do I sign up to that? At the very least we should be given the option, right?
Imagine when, at the stroke of 12, you’re free to go and live your life. Every single day walking to your car would feel like Tim Robbins’ character in The Shawshank Redemption emerging from the sewer-pipe into freedom.
To me that version of life is just common sense. And if that’s a sign of Irritable Male Syndrome, I’ve got it. And if you want to disagree, Whatsapp me about it… but only during office hours.