The Many Faces of narcissism it ( narcissism) is the capacity to see ourselves through rose- tinted glasses — craig malkin everyone is more narcissistic at 18, 19 or 20 than they are at 40 — kali Trzesniewski

intimacy. It might also arise from pathological antagonism characterised by grandiosity and attention- seeking.

“Narcissism is a continuum, and the disorder sits at the very end,” Brummelman says. The NPI can detect a person’s level of narcissism, but additional real- life effects are necessary for a diagnosis of NPD.

“A personality disorder is a pervasive disturbance in a person’s ability to manage his or her emotions, hold onto a stable sense of self and identity, and maintain healthy relationships in work, friendship, and love,” Malkin says.

Someone who scores high on the NPI may indeed encounter occasional awkward or stressful social interactions, but for someone with NPD, Malkin says, “all the psychological defences are working against healthy functioning” all the time.

Popular culture has long relied on narcissistic traits to sketch problematic characters in sharp relief, from Dorian Gray to Don Draper. Gaston from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast presents a silly but fairly apt model of grandiosity, probably the most recognisable feature of people high in narcissism and those with NPD. That brawny braggart sings, “As a specimen, yes, I’m intimidating!... As you see, I’ve got biceps to spare!... I’m especially good at expectorating!... And every last inch of me’s covered in hair.” Other narcissists may indeed perceive themselves as being in the top .1 percent in terms of talent, appearance, success, or all of the above.

But it’s a mistake to assume that all narcissists will be such obvious preeners. “Not all narcissists care about looks or fame or money,” Malkin says. “If you focus too much on the stereotype, you’ll miss red flags that have nothing to do with vanity or greed.”

For example, he suggests, some narcissists can be of the “communal” variety and actually devote their lives to helping others. They might even agree with such statements as “I’m the most helpful person I know,” or “I will be known for the good deeds I have done.” “Everyone has met grandiosely altruistic martyrs, self- sacrificing to the point where you can’t stand to be in the room with them,” Malkin says.

And there are highly introverted, or “vulnerable”, narcissists. These individuals feel they are more temperamentally sensitive than others. They react poorly to even gentle criticism and need constant reassurance. The way they feel special might actually be negative: they may see themselves as the ugliest person at the party or feel like a misunderstood genius in a world that refuses to recognise their gifts.

What all subtypes of narcissists have in common, Malkin says, is “self- enhancement”. Their thoughts, behaviours, and statements set them apart from others, and this feeling of distinction soothes them, because they’re otherwise struggling with an unstable sense of self. “Narcissists feel superior to others,” Brummelman says, “but they are not necessarily satisfied with themselves as a person.”