A brief cultural history of narcissism

table trait. It can also manifest early in life: another study found that dramatic, aggressive, attention- seeking preschoolers were more likely to end up as narcissistic adults. But parenting styles, the influence of other relationships, and one’s social and cultural environments can encourage ( or deter) its development.

Culture matters as well: across the globe, cultures with a more collectivist tradition tend to put the group before the individual: “You’re taught from a very early age that you have to pay attention to other people and put their needs before your own,” says David Ludden, a professor of psychology at Georgia Gwinnett College in Lawrenceville, Georgia.

High narcissism is not the same as high self- esteem. “They are typically only weakly related,” says Brummelman, who has studied how parenting approaches can foster each. He and his colleagues found that when mothers and fathers are warm and affectionate, spending time with their kids and showing interest in their activities, “the children gradually internalise the belief that they are worthy individuals — the very core of self- esteem — and this doesn’t spill over into narcissism,” he says. By contrast, parental overvaluation — placing children on a pedestal — does promote narcissistic traits. To avoid raising narcissists, it’s better for parents to say to children, “You did a good job,” rather than, “You deserved to win” or “Why weren’t you as good as she was?”

An early pronounced focus on success can lead to an insecure attachment between parent and child, as a son or daughter learns that a mother’s or father’s love and attention are available only if high expectations are met. Children who feel they can never measure up can move into adulthood with a fragile ego and latch onto narcissistic thoughts and behaviours to shore it up.

Parents who raise narcissists, Ludden says, “present to their kids a world where everything is a competition: there are winners and losers and you’ve got to be a winner.” A healthier approach would be to teach children that “they don’t have to be the best, just the best that they can be.”