I was going through a tough time and the thought of keeping in touch was stressful — varun jog

Ghosting is worse than the death of a loved one. you have to face the fact that he/ she threw you out of his/ her life

and while things were fine at first, they slowly spiralled out of control. “His messages and questions got incessantly personal, and then a bit creepy. I mentioned it to him a couple of times, but he thought he was behaving normally and even went as far to say, ‘ There’s nothing wrong with being honest.’ So, I blocked him from all my social media channels. I just did not have the energy to explain to him why he was being inappropriate, although he did try contacting me after.”

It is important to note that ghosting does not always mean the other party is at fault. In fact, it doesn’t even mean there has to be a solid explanation for it, like in the case of Varun Jog. The consumer insights professional, who recently shifted from the UAE to India, was close to a school friend he had known for 10 years. However, when his friend moved to the United Kingdom, the duo drifted apart, which led Varun to block him from all social media channels.

“I was going through a tough time personally and the thought of keeping in touch with him was turning out to be too stressful,” says Varun. “By then, he had changed a lot and felt like another person. When I blocked him, I don’t think he realised it for a while which probably indicates where our friendship was. But after a while, he contacted me again. He was curious as to why I’d done it as he thought he had done something wrong.” generous friend decided to stop communicating with her online. “At first it was like a determined distancing — it felt like the phantom of a friendship,” she explains. “Some days, I could not sit still because I felt this sense of desolation. I prickled with shame whenever my mum asked me about this friend. Many months later, in October last year, I wrote a letter of apology to the friend, guessing I had upset her somehow. But mainly, I thanked her for her generosity ( because she truly is generous, materially and emotionally). I never got a reply. Then, earlier this year, she blocked me on social media and that was really hard to take — you must really hate someone to block them, right?” Feelings of selfdoubt are only too natural for a per- son being ghosted. When one loses control over the interaction of a relationship, it often leads them to become distrustful of themselves, and of others. After all, if a close friend had no problem blocking you out of their lives in such a manner, who is to say others won’t?

“A person who is ghosted may find himself or herself hyper- vigilant of other relationships to the point where they keep on checking social media to see who else has un- friended, blocked or deleted them,” says Dr Afridi. “And, usually, the behaviour will escalate if they try contacting the other person and get no response. The person will experience anxiety and sadness, and the fact that all the effort was in vain will lead to a deep sense of rejection and confusion. The lack of discussion regarding the decision to stop communicating is the part that is most traumatic.”