L a s t W o r d

My three- year- old grandson went for his entrance examination to pre- school. The night before, his parents bought new clothes for themselves, my son- in- law had a haircut and they woke up early in the morning to get a headstart, we don’t want to be late, do we, and clutching the admission f orm and other documentation i n a special l aminated file, drove to the school. They did not eat breakfast because they were too nervous and stressed.

On the way, they went over possible questions and also gave him a quick ‘ pencil control’ test at the red light stop signal.

My daughter saw a cl ose enough parking space when they got there which she saw as a positive sign, and they joined the herd of other paranoid, nervous, strung out, stressed parents l ugging t heir l i t t l e charges for the ‘ written’ test which also included the use of crayons so mothers and fathers went through a swift revision of this is green, that one is yellow and this is red, remember, red like mama’s lipstick.

Outside, perched on benches, little groups of parents crossed fingers, touched talismans and four- leaved clovers and grinned foolishly at each other.

When the kids came out, they were given little numbers for the one on one oral examination where the teacher would ask them specific questions. My guy was number six and mydaughter went through a litany of your name, your address, your age, your Mum and Dad’s names, called me on the phone and said, can you think of any other probable questions, he’s sixth in line.

So I said, maybe the Pythagoras theorem, Einstein’s theory of relativity and a chunk of Chaucer as well.

Dad, she yelled, this i s serious, do you know how important it is, he has to get into this school, it is a feeder for his future studies.

Forget feeder, I said, I don’t care if it is the Amazon river in flood, he’s three years old, have you all gone crazy, has the world gone mad, what sort of oral test can you have with a three year old?

Not so long ago, you just took the kid wailing and bawling and f l ung him i nto the school compound with a tuck box and a bottle of water and he just went with the flow.

Now, t hey are doing assessment tests.

So, he finally gets called and there’s a lot of go for it, that’s my boy, knock them over, sock it to them rah rah stuff, no, leave the Batman figure behind, because it doesn’t look right and now he is in and we are all on Whatsapp and what’s not app and feverishly wishing each other good luck and saying things like, “Don’t worry, he’ll wow them, he’s a winner, he’s got confidence, so much better than the other kids, look at them — no competition at all”… pretty much what every parent there is saying.

Then he comes out and he’s being quizzed on how it went, what did they ask, did you answer right, did you get stuck anywhere and all he wants is his little toy Batman figure and he couldn’t give a whistle in the wind about the viva voce.

And now comes the cracker. A week later, it is the parents’ turn to be interviewed to see if they fit the bill and only after that will we know whether he made it or not. They had reached the moon and come back home in half this time.

What are we going to say to him if he doesn’t make the cut? Son, you messed up on pencil control or you chose the wrong crayon or you didn’t answer Question 4, well, maybe we need to get you entrance exam tuition, woe is us.

Yesterday, the parents got a call to confirm he had passed the entrance examination. Smart kid, takes after his grandfather.

wknd@ khaleejtimes. com