Airdrie & Coatbridge Advertiser
‘It all came crumbling down’ after losing baby
... but help at hand to deal with the agony
In the minutes after K i m b e r l ey Rodger learned that the baby she’d been carrying for 18 weeks was dead, her first, overwhelming, motherly instinct was one of protection for her threeyear-old living child.
Reeling from the realisation that her longed-for baby was lost, she appealed to the midwife to tell her how to break the news to her three-year-old son, Leo, who’d been beside himself with excitement about becoming a big brother.
It was on April 16 this year when, due to Covid restrictions, Kimberley had to attend a routine midwife appointment at Glasgow Royal Infirmary without fiance Jason Mccutcheon by her side.
Having spent much of her pregnancy in hospital with hyperemesis gravidarum – severe morning sickness which caused her to vomit up to 60 times a day – she expressed disappointment to her midwife that she hadn’t experienced the burst of energy and sense of relief she’d enjoyed after the sickness eased while she was carrying Leo.
For peace of mind, her consultant suggested a scan – but he couldn’t find a heartbeat. Her baby was dead.
On taking measurements, medics concluded the baby’s growth and development had ceased two weeks previously.
“The consultant wanted me to give birth that day,” said Kimberley, 26.
“But I had to come home and see my partner and my wee boy. I asked the midwife: ‘ How do you tell a three-year-old that has happened?’
“She said the best advice was to be honest. She said at that age, they’re too intuitive and smart, and they know when something’s not right.
“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. I just came home and told him the baby had died, and we were not going to have a baby any more. He wouldn’t be a big brother, at least not yet.
He said: ‘Okay, mummy,’ and he just hugged me.”
A day later, Kimberley and
Jason were back at the hospital, where, in their own room on the labour ward, she was induced at 9.30am and their baby was delivered at 2.25pm.
“The midwife we had was so nice, particularly given the situation we were in, so kind and understanding and couldn’t have been more helpful,” said Kimberley.
“After I gave birth, she cleaned her up and brought her back to me and made sure everything was okay. She was really compassionate and lovely.
“I got to hold her. I got to wrap her in a swaddle blanket my sister had made. I got to wrap her up nice and warm and make sure she was all cosy.”
Because the baby’s growth and development had stopped, it wasn’t until the couple received the results of a post mortem and blood tests that they knew their lost little one was a girl.
“When we found out we had lost her, everything came crumbling down,” said Kimberley, who is studying for a nursing degree at the University of the West of Scotland.
“We had planned our lives for the next three years. There would be a year of the baby being in with us. Then, we’d move out of our two-bedroomed house and get a three-bedroom so the children could have their own room. I’d take time off uni. We planned our future from the minute we found out we were expecting.
“It is not something you ever get over. It is a new life you adapt to. You experience such a big loss, and you learn to take it with you. You learn to live with the pain.”
Helping them to learn to live with that pain are Baby Loss Retreat founders Julie and Bryan Morrison and the other bereaved
parents who draw strength from support groups held in Bellshill every three weeks.
There, couples who have lost babies during pregnancy, delivery or soon after birth can chat freely and openly about their heartache, and little incidents or casual words that may have triggered tears.
For Kimberley and her 31-yearold fiance, hearing someone say, “I get that”, is comforting in itself.
In a display of what she describes as “unbelievable generosity”, Kimberley has been attending free, weekly counselling sessions which are helping her to cope when her acute sense of loss becomes overwhelming and she has to will herself, for Leo – who is now aged four – to get out of bed.
“Some days are harder than others. But the build-up to Alex’s due date on September 16 was the most difficult,” she explained.
“We scattered her ashes on Seamill Hydro beach. It was one of the hottest days in September. We couldn’t have wished for a more beautiful day. Her brother loves the beach and I wanted it to be there, where we could watch him, wild and free.
“The build-up to each of the milestones is where the waves come crashing and the reality sets in. On October 17 – just after Baby Loss Awareness Week – it will be the six-month anniversary of not having her.”
It’s raising awareness, all year round, of the tragedy of baby loss that is Kimberley’s driving force.
Next Thursday, she, Jason, Leo and members of their family will mark Wave of Light – an opportunity, led by charity Sands,
to join with bereaved parents, families and friends around the world to commemorate all babies who, like Alex, sadly died too soon.
At 7pm, tea lights will burn outside their Cathkin home, which will be lit up in pink and blue, as will the Hallside home of Kimberley’s sister, Jane Letham, and that of her parents, Teresa and William Rodger.
To give back to Baby Loss Retreat and to raise awareness and money to help it continue to support other parents and
families, Kimberley is handpainting festive decorations, which can be personalised with the name of a baby who has been lost, to ensure they are at the heart of families’ homes each and every Christmas.
To order a decoration, priced at £3 each, head to @sweet_pea_alex on Instagram.
Payment can be paid into a Paypal account, and all details will be given at time of order.
If you don’t have Instagram, message Kimberley Rodger on Facebook.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. I just came home and toldhimthebaby had died